YAY! SCREENING!

I'm so excited over something SO minimal!

No, it's not a transfer date - or even a tentative one.

No, it's not start of meds dates.

No, it's not a retrieval date.

It's not even a start of meds date for the Egg Donation.

Alas, it is just a date for my mental evaluation.

HOWEVER! This is my FIRST EVER date for clinic screening or testing. Therefore - I think I have the right to be overly excited! haha.

This is a double wammy though in many scenerios.

It is also the date that I get to meet not only the woman to whom I'm donating my eggs to -- but also my IM for the surrogacy!

I haven't yet even CALLED her yet to let her know, only a few people [until now] knew. We are looking at flights and hotels and hopefully it'll be quick and painless and everyone will do great!

In other not so exciting news... it seems as though it is officially winter here in Bathurst.

We have about 4 inches of snow and our first storm is supposed to be tomorrow! I really wanted to get some of this testin done befor the snow hit!

You hear it all the time that when you don't want your monthly visit, it comes when you least expect [or want] it to. The same goes for when you DO want it to start! I am officially 11 days late today. Yep. 11. I had some stressful knews a couple weeks ago when we were told that we would not qualify for any daycare/babysitter assistance so that I could work. I have also been stressed out about whether my IP's for the ED were still moving forward, as everything seems to be going so damn slow, and they know that I want an April transfer in hopes of having a due date around Christmas next year.

The timing for the ED is very important to have a 2013 baby, as you have to wait 3 months in between an egg donation and an IVF transfer. I'm realllly hoping this works out because I want so badly to give my IP's a wonderful Christmas present for next year and in all honesty, it would be great if they were here during the Christmas season for something as special as the birth of their first [and potentially second] child.

As the days wear on, I am hit with the realisation that -- indeed -- the time is nearing and that it is a mear four months away from a potential transfer!

5 Months Old and Clinic Info!

Hey everyone!

The twins turned 5 months old today! And yes... I do have some pictures for you! hehe.

Haley is now rolling both ways and laughing out loud, Gavin is cooing and babbling and is rolling here and there at his own pace! Next weigh in is at their 6 month check up right after Christmas, definitely excited!

Here are some pictures for you all!

Plainly, as you can see they are getting huge! What little cuties they are becoming! Haley is sleeping her nights and Gavin is starting to get close to it!

Okay, surrogacy update as well. I don't know what's going on with the Egg Donation but I'd be glad to start meds... tomorrow to get the show on the road. I would LOVE to think that it would happen on time for January, but I'm just not sure anymore.

I REsent allmy paperwork via Xpresspost, should be there by tomorrow... if not I'll flip a lid, literally.

If it is impossible to get the egg donation by the end of January then I will have to rethink it as a possibility until after the surrogacy. *wimpers*

On a positive note, I should have my testing for the surrogacy done within the next TWO WEEKS. How exciting is that?! I may finally get tomeet my IP's finally! I'm so darn excited! We are still all hoping to do contracts in January so that we can do the mock cycle in February so that we're all geared up for a good timed transfer to have delivered by Christmas. I'm starting to feel like this is actually going to happen... and I'm so fricken excited!

Work is going well too. Can't believe it'll be two months that I've been back to work soon! Seems to be flying by, and thankfully, work has become a distraction until we can get the surrogacy going, before that, it seemed like the time was going SOOO slow!

Can't wait, Tammy and John have been great and we're all getting nervous and excited, Josh is starting to ask questions about how it will all work, which means that he is excited too. Men never quite show excitement the same way women do, but its always a good thing when he's asking questions, this time he wants to be completely involved. It's great, and it feels like this will be a whole new story,a nd a completely different surrogacy. I can't wait!

That's it for now, but I will update next week! Will take lots of pictures and details of the tests as well! YAY!



19 Weeks!

Yes! That's right!

There is only 19 weeks until April! Holay shmokes!

I woke up this morning with  no voice, coughing, sinus cold.. HOWEVER... there is only 19 weeks until April, and then it'll be the transfer!!

18 weeks until t he wedding. Holy holy holy shmokes.

Hoping that the next four months go by nice and quickly!

Yes, I've started the countdown!

Twins... What Twins?

Teehee. Yes, I got to see the twins today! I am extremely grateful to be able to say that they were here for a couple hours today and I got a ton of pictures, but of course, I have a few of my favorites that I will share with  you!

I took SO long to get ready for their visit today haha I redyed my hair, put some make up on, bought some new clothes and got the kids all excited about their visit today! This was me just about a half hour before they arrived... super duper nervous haha

The twins are about 4.5 months old [tomorrow]. They are growing SO fast now. Haley is 23 inches long and Gavin is 25 inches long, both approaching 12 lbs! They are SO big! They are adjusted at 2.5 months, and for 2.5 months old, they would be little giants haha. What a wonderful thing it was to see them today! Just amazing!






Indeed, they are getting big!

Can't wait to see them again, but that would be up to their parents. Makes me a hundred times more happy that I can still help people. They are such happy little babies!! As the time passes, I realize that even though not many people would choose to do surrogacy a second time, or a third or a fourth... I'm just so grateful that my spouse is supporting me throught his. How amazing is it that event hough I can't be a TS again, he is still going to let me continue being a GS. I just can't wait to be able to watch Tammy and John with their first born!! They said that they would like a sibling project if there was only one baby, and I would be so honoured if they would want to work with me a second time!

So glad these munckins have such a good home, and most importantly, each other!

Money... Dun Dun Dun

A lot of surrogates agree that money topics are NOT our favorite ones.

I spoke to my IP's a few nights ago, and of course, they wanted to know about the money aspect. They definitely aren't the type to bring it up often, as in two months, this is the FIRST time they have brought it up.

Having spoken to THEM about it, I realize that there are some things that probably a lot of people don't understand about surrogacy in that way.

A surrogates "reimbursement" is non-taxable. This is to help with all the payables involved inthe pregnancy. This could include a million things. Food, clothes, food, counselling, helping with sitters, travel for appointments etc etc etc need to be paid for us. I did my first surrogacy for 2k all inclusive. This did not even cover the food expenses for the last trimester. So you can imagine just how quickly this money does go.

A lot of us require extra rest [especially while carrying multiples] and our reimbursement helps to get sitters so that we can get the rest required to have a healthy pregnancy. Especially if we have other children under school age, it is strongly recommended by doctors that the surrogate and her partner make sure to have one on one time, as the surrogacy in general can take quite a toll on the relationship.

Most people think that the couple will pay said surrogate something like 50k. This is not true. In Canada, reimbursements are LEGAL. A lot of intended parents are contacting me and telling me that it is illegal to give a surrogate money. I don't know about any of you, but I can't afford to do another surrogacy for free. The emotional strain alone warrants or reimbursement. "Reasonable Reimbursement" is legally NEEDED to have a surrogate. No law in Canada will tell you that you HAVE to do this for FREE. No court or judge would ever pass such a law.

REASONABLE is within 15-25k in Canada. However, in the US, there is no limitation to what a surrogate can ask from Intended Parents.

I've found that a lot of people don't realize that in Canada, the Intended Parents do not have to pay for any health coverage... much like France or Great Britain, we have an amazing health system. During the pregnancy, we are taken care of. The medical bills that it does not cover however, include the IVF procedure and medications that come with it. This would fall under our medical coverage that we pay for for dental, optical and prescriptions. Most people do have this, and I know that for my coverage I pay something like 17$/month for family coverage.


We are also going through an agency this time. The main reason I went though an agency was because I didn't want to have to handle the money issues. I wanted to make sure that someone else could handle this part FOR me. I'm HORRIBLE when it comes to asking for money, which is one of the reasons my last surrogacy ended so badly. I wanted a third party to take care of all of that.

Money Money Money

Yuck

We are getting into the contract phase though, which is why this even came up.

It's good though, I'm excited that things are moving along. I have to wait now to see when the dr is setting up all my testing and screening, and I get to meet my IP's and most likely we will sign contracts then. We want to be together and we want to have a lot done every time I go.

I asked permission to tell you all a little more about them, and I'm so lucky, they are more than happy to be announced in my blogs. How fortunate am I?!

Tammy and John live in the Greater Toronto Area [not far out of though]. It will be amazing for the transfer and testing and just about everything until I am released to my OB office. This way, I am the only one who really has to travel, and I know that they will have the chance to be a part of it all! You have NO idea how happy that made me!

So..... we're about 21 weeks from transfer!

20 weeks from my Egg Donation.

Yep.

You read that right.

We're doing a shared cycle... that is... my IP's that I'm donating to and my IP's that I'm doing surrogacy for [different couples] are sharing MY cycle lol

We're retrieving MY eggs, so that they can put them into THEIR surrogate, and then we're also going to be synced up with my IP's ED so that HER eggs can be transferred into ME 3-5 days later.

Wedding is in about 19 weeks as well. CRAZY.

I've been workin for about three weeks now. Also crazy. It's helping the time go by though, that's for sure! Hoping to do another VLOG on youtube by the end of the weekend to update there as well. It's going to go by SO fast now! WOOHOO!

the twins turn 4 months old

i'm on an online keyboard sp i'll keep it short lol

here's an update on the twins!

gavin is a whopping 10 lbs 14 oz and miss haley is 10 lbs 6 oz! my little troopers! they wereboth taken off iron pills this week! yay! at 4 months, they've around tripled their birth weights!!

Changes

Can't believe how fast the last week has gone by!

I started working on Monday for a great company [Minacs]. We have a great client and I'm actually seeing going back to work as a positive thing now.

I really feel for my trainer [who we will call Tasha for confidentiality reasons]. She's originally from another province, and she lives with her mom and brother [from what I gather], and she was asked to just come for ONE cycle of training. She is now on her second and she is really home sick. The reason they are asking her to STAY is because she's [from what I hear] the best trainer. She knows the system in and out, she knows how to teach it, and she's passionate about it. I just wish she could go home to her mom, who she seems to be relatively concerned about.

There is always something to be grateful for... she reminds me to be grateful for my family and that I do not have to be away from them for any longer than 8 hours a day.

I LOVE my job so far! We are now done the first week of training. Time is FLYING by!

I know, you all come for the surrogacy updates haha

Well, here it is. I have no real update. I am still matched to the same couple, who live in Ontario. They are great though! Don't feel shy to ask any questions, and unless it's super personal on their end, I can answer them!

We are getting super excited as the testing part and of course, screening part, is coming up in just a couple months now. I DO wish I could do all of this a lot sooner. My idea Pregnancy would end in November before it got TOO cold, especially if there are twins again! I had a really hard time finding coats during my last twin pregnancy to get me through June until the warmer weather set in in July.

The cooler weather is rolling in, and fall is HERE!

I'm looking forward to winter this year actually. I know, I will whine and complain about it once we've hit month 4 of winter, but Gabriel hasnt' hasn't played in the snow yet! Lexi has onlyplayed in it a little bit because last winter, we didn't have a safe parking lot like we do here!

Not sure what else to update on though. I'll get back to you whent he clinic gets back to me!

Have a GREAT week everyone!

Cathleen

Happy Endings

Anyone who knows me  knows that I'm a sentimental person.

A friend of mine found out that she was carrying twins about a week ago, and it hit me. You hear of women who have abortions and regret it forever, and you hear of people who go through adoption and regret it. That is not what I'm going through.

A lot of people dont understand what I went through, and I understand that. There are people who come from two extremes.

1. It was a surrogacy, a surrogate should never keep a baby regardless of circumstances. That baby was never hers and never should be.

2. If Intended Parents back out, a surrogate should keep the baby under any circumstances, as that child then becomes hers.

Until you are actually faced with the actual choice, I don't believe that you can actually say what you would do. To give a child up who is biologically yours is a choice, and as a surrogate, it is something that I was okay with,a nd something that I wanted to do. I did NOT want to give those babies to strangers by any means. However, I also could not keep them... I don't talk about what emotions I went through during the adoption of my [yes, MY] twins.

The simple explanation is that it wouldn't be fair to them to bring them into the family, as I know that I couldn't have time for 4 children under 3. I knew my own limitations in this. I knew that they would have a better life, and more opportunities if adopted. Period.

That being said... it wasn't easy by any standards and there were and still are some nights when I cry. I was the only parent they had for almost 12 weeks. That is a long time. I was a mother of twins for almost 12 weeks. For those who have children... if you can imagine how much love you feel for your children even before birth, then you know the love I had for those babies.

Adoption was my decision. I had to live with whatever outcome I was going to give to those babies. A better life, with a family who would appreciate every sleepless night and every new bandaid needed is what they deserved and it is why I gave them that life. I had all the legal rights to keep them, and I had all the legal rights to give them to a family who could do better.

With all of that in mind... I am like any other birth mother on the planet. I have my ups and downs, and it is not always easy for me when I think of them, or see new pictures of them. Yes, they have a wonderful family. Yes they are well taken care of. Yes they are well loved. Yes they were wanted more than anything in the world. Yes they have parents who would move mountains for them. ...Yes, somedays I miss the hell out of them and wish that things could have been different... but they weren't and aren't.

I do not regret the adoption.

I do not regret having them.

I do not regret the surrogacy.

I regret not choosing biological parents who were capable of taking care of them.

And -- with all of that in the open, I've been talking to IP's through my agency for a little bit, and we are looking forward to meeting.

Regardless of my past experience, I am looking forward to opening a new chapter, and looking forward to a happy ending :)  Afterall... that is why surrogates are surrogates, to help create that happy ending.

New Cycle...Again?

Yep.

That's right.

Time of the month.. AGAIN!

My first cycle after the twins being born was 24 days long, but I figured it was because I was on birth control pills. AF started lightly on CD23, and then heavy CD24.

THIS cycle was only 22 days long. Which means that I ovulated CD8. HOW does that make sense.

I'll be glad when my cycles start to smarten up lol Right n ow, I'm ovulated twice within a MONTH. See how that could be dangerous haha

So, we're CD2 today.

Going to go back on birth control I guess and see if it lengthens out, I'll need to be on birth controlpills anyway when I start surrogacy again.

OH, update. I'm looking at profiles again. It's exciting, but it's also a huge let down when I get couples who keep saying that I'm simply too far. They LOVE my profile, but just don't want a surrogate who is soo far away from them. I do understand though, who doesn't want to be a part of the pregnancy. Oh well :( On to the next profile!

Small Update

I know I haven't updated in awhile, but there is good reason.

I'm having problems with my social assistance again [they're 6 for 6 months so far with problems] so I've been stressed out.

I had started to seriously speak to a couple, but they have since decided that they are not ready to move forward yet.

I have now signed up with a surrogacy agancy, and have sent in all my information and now just have to wait on profiles to go through.

I am moving in a week [yes! A week! no time to pack! haha] into a house, Josh is hoping to move back in with me in a few months so that 1. I can get off welfare and 2. we can start to prepare for our wedding --- which is planned for March 27th 2012.

Lexi also celebrated her 3rd birthday on the 19th, so we had a birthday party to organize on top of everything else!

Super busy week, only 6.5 months left until my desired time to have a transfer! Just need IP's now LOL

The Want Without The Financial Capability

Okay, so I am definitely the first one to say [and believe] that those who are on welfare should not be trying to add more children to their families until they are financially stable. Period. I think it's wrong.

I have been suddenly seeing what seems like hundreds of people pregnant every day, seeing commercials for pregnancy tests, even my child's cartoon's have mommies who are super pregnant lately. It's driving me nuts lol

Then, suddenly hubby expresses that he actually wants the same amount of children I do - 4. We're at 2 right now, still living apart, still working on things, and our children are only 15 and 35 months old. We have lots of time to have another baby. LOADS. I'm 20.5 years old, there is no rush.

I'm thinking surrogacy may actually just be a way to put off this biological need to reproduce. It's crazy to want to have another baby in my situation! CRRAZY! So yes... I know this post will get a lot of "you can wait, my gosh, you had 4 kids in 2.75 years!" kind of posts.

It isn't just today though, it's been the last little while, baby fever always hits me faster and faster. I would be that woman in a villagewho gets pregnant like once a year and half the village's children are hers. Yeah - I've thought about this way too much.  Either way, I can't wait to be pregnant again, and I know that I can't do a surrogacy until March since my relationship is far too fragile to handle the stress of another surrogacy, and possibly other complications that come with surrogacy.  So, for another 6+ months... I will take my birth control pills religiously and wait.  It's driving me nutso! I have to be crazy!


All of that being said haha I was in a TTC group, and it got narrowed down from 114 to 18 people because people couldn't all get along and hold hands? I was really frustrated becuase everyone will have a different opinion on things, and it could have been dealt with a lot better in my opinon. I have started a few groups on facebook and have not ONCE had to delete a single person!

There are so many things going on lately lol

Josh has been working out of town and only here for a couple days at a time and then back out. The bonus... it's the same town as the "other woman" is from and lives in. That's right. I want to KILLL his boss... just saying.

I'm on day 11 of my birth control pills... I haven't been on birth control pills since december 2007! ..They didn't work well for me... my daughter was born in September 2008 lol Couldn't start my January pack and waited 3.5 weeks to come to terms that I needed to take a pregnancy test... being 3.5 weeks late... I was still in denial. I'm not using it for birth control right now obviously as I always always always use a second form of birth control, but my cycles being 28 days every month will be kind of nice haha. I can't believe that after almost 4 years, I can still remember to take them every single day within 20 minutes of the time I alotted for them! YAY ME! Yeah I know... 11 days isn't a HUGE thing - but it's pretty big for me lol I don't even remember WEEKLY things like taking the garbage out!

I went on a "vacation" for a couple days alone with Josh. His hotel is paid by work, so I went down and spent a couple days there [couple being...2 :)].  I did find that it held some healing power. We adventured all around, we went and got lost together, and found ourselves again. We did a little shopping [okay.. I did TOO MUCH shopping... let's be honest, that's what women do lol]. And I decided on a tattoo [I don't have any yet... and I know it's a sin... but I also don't want to die with regrets!! I want to experience as much as I can!].  The first day I was there was stressful... my sitter was young, and I should have known my children would have been too much, but had to find a sitter for the second day and night. Bullet dodged and I really enjoyed the last day there!

What an eventful week... sorry for the huge update on things. I'm trying to not post my life all over facebook and keep it for here!! Plus... sometimes I realize that if I want attention, I should get it in positive ways [like having more surrobabies!! haha].

I hope everyone has an AMAZING week, and try to pray for those who purposely hurt others, and those who lie and cheat and steal from honest people... they are obviously misguided and need all of the prayers we can offer!

-Cathleen xox

The Long... Slippery... Cold Slope We Call Repairing Starts

Having chosen to not live with any regrets, i've decided that love is worth fighting for. I know so many people who have told me they look back and to them it seems like they simply gave up... moved on... not realizing that all of the "what if"s would haunt them forever. None of us want to live with pain or regret, and I've discovered that sometimes pain is necessary to prevent living with endless regret.

I have been talking to many people in private about my situation, and have gotten SO much support, encouragement, different [very different] views on life, relationships, motherhood, and being a wife. While speaking to them, I said things that I later looked back at and realized that I not only meant every word, but that it made perfect sense to use in every day life... things I would later say to my daughter and son.

"the "tree" of our relationship has been RIPPED out of the ground... and he has to find a way to replant it... and that is not an easy task when some roots are broken already... the tree seldom lives after such trauma"

 I said this during a conversation with one of my high school best friends [I won't use names] while talking about things with her, and when I read it back to myself, I realized that I could really be proud of it.  It was exactly how I felt, and how I feel and how my daughter may feel in twenty years. 

I believe that each relationship starts as a seed, grows roots, and then emerges into the world as something either beautiful or devastating.  Eventually that tree grows, it can be either healthy or infested with illness, and can grow or die.  We have many trees in our lives, some deeper than others, some still growing, some have stopped growing years before and of course, some have already died. Whether they simply weren't nourished, or were burnt down willingly is a circumstance of consequence. 

My marriage has very deep roots for me, and it was built on adventure, love, trust, wonder and unquestionable friendship.  Parts of those roots are wounded, some of those damaged to an extent that I'm not sure if they can ever be repaired.  In order for the tree to survive, it must be carefully replanted, in earth that has been brought up, and it may never be the same tree again, but it will be a tree that will continue to grow.  If not, then the tree will release it's own seeds, and a new relationship will begin, not as deep as the previous and original tree, but one built on an attempt of friendship - as we will always be in each other's lives, since we have children together. It won't just end when the children move out, we will share weddings, grandchildren and great grandchildren. In order for that to even be possible, there will be effort regardless.

The second quote is this one.

"a slippery and cold slope at times, but hopefully it will be filled with hot chocolate stops and warm camp fires."

I was speaking in reference to the repairing of the relationship.  I think that it describes any marriage though, because when two people come together there will ALWAYS be challenges involved and there will always be fights and arguments and tears... and such is life.  The things you should be able to remember at the end of the day or the moments that bring tears of JOY to your eyes... your first kiss, first date, first time coming together as one person, your first child, and every child after, the times you were proud of each other beyond any words and the future. The future should always look bright. 

I'm going away to be alone with him for about 57 hours, and in those days he will have to work, but it will be the first time we are away with the kids... neither of us have ever had a vacation. We've never gone out over night together.

In order for this to happen I had a LOT of support around me and I think that I will always remember those people as the ones who enabled my marriage to come together, because I don't honestly think that it was ever actually together. I think we wanted it to, and I think that instead of lettin git happen, we ran from all of our real issues... these people are enabling us to actually fix these issues. 

I even have a friend who is willing to take my children on top of her THREE MONTH OLD so that I can go do this. How amazing is that?! She is the main reason I can go.

I had two friends come together and send me money, without them, I couldn't afford for someone to take the kids [I was originally going to take them WITH me since he's gone for a total of 6 days and it seemed likea long time to be apart when we're trying to work on something like this]. 

My  mom said she can take my daughter for a night as well, which will give my sitter a little break as well. My daughter is the trouble/mess maker of the two to be honest, my son is pretty well behaved [15 months old now].

Wish me luck... I can use all the luck I can get. 

Passion...Love...And The Blood

Okay, not all three are directly related to each other...so no... I didn't turn into  Macbeth or anything.

A lot of my readers know that relationship wise, I've been a MESS the last few months. It's in my blog and everything. It's been hard as all heck and I have no idea how two people who think they love each other so much can go through so much.

I am impatient, short tempered, hormonal and selfish at times. I know that, those are my downfalls. 

I still know that I'm worth more than to be cheated on, lied to and put aside. 

I waited to write this because I find that when things are fresh for me, I'm very dramatic and even though I tend to write BETTER when I'm passionate about the subject still, it's not always FAIR. And don't even go there, we all do it. We like pity parties thrown for us.

Some marriages go through a rough spot, and one of the two partners in that marriage strays... whether it is for emotional comfort, physical pleasure, the lure of the unknown, the rush of the excitement... it does happen.

What SUCKS... is when you're the one cheated on. It's easy to do it, and then you know you have to be good after you get caught, never do it again.... It's hard to want to trust again... and then being able to trust again, always wondering if  you're missing something, if you should be expecting something around the corner. I mean... every time you think about your partner.. you're going to think about them with that other person. How do you live with that, especially when you have children together?

It seems to me that most people will say "just move on, you can do better than them". That's very easy to say to someone else, and very hard to do, or to even WANT to do. 

Obviously, this is what I'm dealing with right now. The classic "I love you both" dramatic story where the long term partner finds out there is a short term partner on the side. Sometimes the cheating partner chooses not to leave the short term partner because the "sizzle" and "pizazz" is gone from the long term relationship. Sometimes they realize that it's not really what makes them happy. If this happens, then the partner who was cheated on has to make a decision. Does this partner want the cheating partner back?

Of course... I'm not sure what THIS partner will decide.  I'm hoping to find the answers when I look into myself and decide COMPLETELY on what I want in LIFE... because whomever I decide to one day MARRY... has to still be there in 60 years when I meet my great grand children.

So now I decide which of many roads to take to fulfill my ultimate dream - happiness.

On a side note, I start my period yesterday, so today is the first day of birth control pills :)

My Secret Ingredient

I'm not writing this for comments or for anything else, but have decided that this is part of MY journey, not just my surrogacy journey, but my LIFE journey.  People will judge me either way, that's what people do, it's human nature, and let's face it... for most people, it's an ego boost. I know it is for me.
I think I've handled the last few days pretty well all things considered.  The things considered would be that i'm already an emotional wreck of course lol.

I've been told that I put my life out to the public... but don't we all? Isn't that what we all do when we share anything? We all share out feelings, journeys, experiences, advice and even our love with others. I certainly shouldn't be judged for doing that... to have a different view on things, to want to share with others. If it weren't for people who shared, no one else would have people to judge.  Am I mislead?

I am a second timer teen mom and a traditional surrogate who not only lost her IP's in the third trimester, but also lost her relationship, and I have no job. How much more controversial could I be? How many people can say that they were judged by over 120k people when I was mentioned in an online blog about surrogacy. 

I've had to learn to deal with the scrutiny involved with my life over the last few months. I've had to learn that life doesn't just hit you with one thing at a time so that you can "deal" with things one by one, but instead, it sometimes keeps hitting you to see what you're made of.  What you can handle. To what extreme you can deal with. 

This is a blog to show others what I'm made of.  What I can handle. What extreme situations I can deal with. 

I don't think I'm 1 in 6 billion. I know others have done what I have done. I know that I'm nothing news worthy if you will.  I know that many others have accomplished much greater things.

For now on, this isn't about opinions of others, it is about me sharing my life, with whomever is willing to share it with me, with whomever can HANDLE my opinions, my views and the way I choose to lead my life.  No holding back, but not being rude. No extreme dramatics, but some mild exaggeration.

This is my NEW blog, branching off of an old one.  This isn't just about surrogacy anymore, but instead about my journey of LIFE, surrogacy will just have a part in it, as surrogacy ISN'T my entire life. It is a part of it that includes others. 

As many parts of my life there is, I want to share each part... every part of me that I can share... every secret ingredient.

May Be The Last Update On The Twins

I got a disturbing phone call today from the hospital today.

They were looking to see if I had received the birth certificate with the registration numbers. I said no I hadn't. 

She then let me know that they are being released TODAY... and that the AP's have been there awhile.

I thought that we had agreed to keep everyone UPDATED.  Guess I was wrong. 

I signed over my rights a few days ago, and have over 3 weeks left until my rights are actually terminated.  I thought they'd at least keep me in the loop until then.  Maybe I would have gotten a phone call once they got HOME. Maybe not even then.

I called backed, since I was so incredibly shocked and hurt that I couldn't even remember to ask over the phone when I spoke to the social worker.

They now weight A = 5 lbs 11 ounces and B = 5 lbs 9 oz. They have both gained exactly 2 lbs, tomorrow they will be exactly 6 weeks old. 

I'm not sure if I'll actually have any other updates about them, this happens a lot in surrogacy, where the parents "grab and run" and then the surrogate ends up left out in the cold if you will.  Not entirely surprised though, I tried to set myself for this happening, but I guess you're never really prepared for something like this to happen.

Would have liked for it to NOT be a stranger who let me know though. 

I have my 6 week post partum appointment on the 10th, and will update afterward though.

I'm Done... And Ready To Start Over

I didn't end up finishing my last surrogacy through blogs because of circumstances surrounding my last surrogacy.
Twins were born at 32+3, healthy and are doing great.  They are being released to an adoptive family this week!!
I am nearly 6 weeks post partum now and can't wait to be pregnant again! That is... for someone else lol

I Was Told This Was Overdue?

So, I was recently advised that this is overdue lol  To be honest, I don't know when the last time I blogged was, either here OR on my youtube... but I know I'm way behind, and I'll tell you all why, and hopefully you can agree that it is a valid enough excuse.

April 15th - Dentist Appointment
April 15th - Home Visit From A Child Development Worker
April 16th - Play Date And Shopping Day
April 20th - Gabey's 1 Year Appointment
April 20th-23rd [just waiting for the appointment time and date] - Meeting With Social Worker
April 21st - Hair Appointment
April 23rd-25th - Easter Weekend With Lots Of Family Arrangements
April 27th - Gabey's 1 Year Birthday
April 28th - Mom's Birthday
April 28th - 1 Hour Glucose Test
April 28th - Thryoid Blood Test
April 29th - 24 Week OBS [Will Be 23W6D]
May 1st - Gabey's 1 Year Birthday Party

........JAM PACKED! 

We are FINALLY better though, and I've been working my tail feather off trying to get all my chores back to being all done as well.

I also order my doppler, and it had been sent to me last week, so now I'm just waiting for it to arrive now!  Exciting!

Alright, so this picture was taken yesterday, but it's still "new".  It was taken before I ate, so I wasn't bloated yet.  You can tell the difference from when I'm bloated though, the whole top part near my ribs blows up a lto more.  This way, you can see that I'm bubbling out haha



I find my webcam makes me look "skinny" a lot, and I took a picture with my phone and I definitely looked bigger, but you get the point lol 

Anyway, I'm sorry again, and I'll desperately try to keep up with this, but like I said, it's been pretttty hectic.  lol 

-Cathleen

New Surro Site To Look At !

Hey everyone!!

So, I've been having a hard time to come up with what to say lately haha

I'm feeling MUCH MUCH better now, and also have a new couch set!  I love it haha

I've also joined a new surrogroup, that I just love.  I've been on routinely [daily] and I find that the environment is so fresh and friendly.

It is a new site though, so it is very young and still in the process of getting members etc.  If you have any questions about surrogacy, and want to ask a few people at once, this is a great way to do it, and I haven't seen ONE negative response to someone else, and as far as I can see, it is DRAMA FREE, which is very very hard to find on a website. 

The best part... it is for IP's and Surros AND Egg Donors.  There are quite a few experienced sides to it, on all sides, and it's hard to find that at times. 

Here is the link : http://www.allthingssurrogacy.com/  I think that we can all enjoy this one, and there aren't "packs" of people and it is very low for judgemental feelings etc.  It is so much easier to upload pictures, you have a million security options [so it's not like either can see your entire profile, or no one can see it] which is one thing I REALLY liked. 

You all know I don't advertise much, but I really think that this is going to be an amazing site, and want to get more people involved!!  Feel free to add me once there are well, again, there aren't many people on there, so it's a nice small community [other sites have thousands and thousands].

Thanks everyone for putting up with my advertising lol  Really though, I recommend this site! 

-Cathleen

PS - 14 days until glucose test and thyroid retest
        15 days until next OBS and until we get the ultrasound pictures
        16 days until we ht 6 months and VIABILITY
        100 days until FULL TERM!
        

21 Weeks!! Belly and Belly Measurements haha

Well, 21 weeks down, about 16 more to go!!

Here are the pictures I posted up on facebook for 21 weeks [yesterday].

I know the last one is soo different lol I forgot totake it yesterday, and then I was laying around watching the time to take my fundal height [I wait 5minutes after laying down so that the babies can settle back a bit] so I took it real quick lol  New pajamas hahahaha

So AROUND I am 35 inches, I was 30 before pregnancy.
Fundal height is 33.5cm - which would measure for 33.5 weeks.

Wanted to update everyone!!

i'm in the process of buying a scale too haha

Alright, that's it folks!!

-Cathleen

Here Are The Newest Belly Pics!

20.5 weeks down... hopeufully about 15.5 left!! WOOT!!





........yeah... I know... you don't have to tell me... my shirt and pants don't match LOL

I didn't even realize MYSELF how round I was until I went to take a pic of my bellybutton for myself... this pic wasn't even MEANT to be share... I just wanted to SEE it LOL

Getting bigger...and bigger... by the day it seems <3 

Only about 15.5 weeks left... 15.5... holay smokes! 

I can't believe it sometimes... and I can't believe how FAST this pregnancy is going!  By far.. the fastest one yet!  I thought my first one went by super quick because I spent literally from the first day until the DAY before I went into labor [labor started at 40w6d] in school.  The second, I spent over half of it in school, and hte second half dragged on... forever.  This time, I'm at home... full time.  So I thought it was going to... drag on forever and ever.  I was soo wrong!

In about 10 weeks, it could be any day! 

THAT'S CRAZY!!

lol

I'm sorry I haven't been around... I've been super sick.  I thought sickness lasted forever with a singleton pregnancy... but my body is having like... 10x harder time getting better from this with TWO.  It's been almost a week wince it all started... maybe only 5 days... but ti seems like a week.  Started with aches, then a slight runny nose, then a sore throat + runny nose, and then a sore throat + super runny nose + cough.  It's the normal cold that we all get, it's just taking forever to just set in and then leave haha.  No real fever, but I am watchingit for strep throat... which apparently I'm prone to while pregnant. 

The cough is the worst part... it makes everything else SEEM a lot worse than it really is. 

So yes... it's probably not nearly as bad as it FEELS, but we allll know that the sinus and throat cold... SUCK.  I'm nearly at the point where I'm willing to get a sitter for a day.. and just sleeeeeep. 

Josh has been going through... a lot... lately.  That's putting it lightly. 

So I can't really ask him to come over and take care of hte kids while I sleep right now.  I'm... exhausted. 

But, other than feeling sick... I dno't have many complaints.  Yes... I'm sore and I've been a lot more achy in my pelvix, but I knwo that's a lot to do with being sick right now.  Most of my aches and pains are... if I elimate those... and the tiredness of fighting this cold off... I'm feeling pretty fricken good to be honest. 

I had someone say that they were "miserable" throughout most of their twin pregnancy.  It kind of upset me... how many people get to carry twins? 

I know I DO complain a bit... but I hope that I get it out that I'm also EMBRACING the experience as well.  Yeah... it comes with it's disadvantages... but man... there are TWO babies in there!!  Some people are miserable from day 1 with ONE baby... do people think it'll be a rollercoaster of sunshine and rainbows? 

I know that I didn't have the same situation as them... I'm not them.... etc etc... but I think that we should also appreciate what we're doing as surrogates... it's 9 months for crying out loud... I think we can sacrifice that for a life time of happiness....right?  We do for our own kids... and we could actually have them ourselves... imagine the ENHANCED joy if we couldn't.

I get that near the end... most of us are saying "Is it over yet??!!"  ... the swelling, puking, bloating, aches, pains, headaches, sinus congestion, exhaustion, decreased immune system and the thousand other things you can deal with during pregnant ARE annoying... but common... especially as a surrogate, we have to have known what we were getting into.  We signed up to help someone.  That's what we shoudl be focuxing on. 

I'm sorry to rant, I always seem to do that huh? lol

Thank you for reading, I know my readers are dwindling a bit lately, but that's okay, maybe once my appointmetns get interesting I'll haul in some more readers lol

I apologize about not doing my video blogs... no voice, puffy face and being this sick.... not attractive LOL

Have a great day everyone <3

-Cathleen & Surrobabies

20 Weeks.. Found An Outfit I Really Like hehe

So... as far as maternity outfits go, I think we all have that certain outfit that we really like and tend to wear more than the others haha  This is mine



I will admit... I wear it as a suit whenever I can, you can't see the jeans, but they're navy blue and even thought they fit "snuggly" now, they're not small yet [thank god].  I absolutely love this suit together, and it doesn't make me look humungous ... anywhere, which is fantastic.  Some shits will give yoiu the love handle look, others make your boobs look huge... it's hard to find good maternity suits! haha  The pants don't empasize on my thighs or butt and the shirt doesn't make my belly look bigger than it is, it gives an overall slim look.

I also sometimes get annoyed with shirts that are baggy in the wrong places and make you look fat lol 

Admittedly, I also don't like shirts that make my belly look tiny.  Because if they make my belly look small... a lot of other things have to be emphasized... not a big fan! 

Had to share with all of you I'm sure a lot of you have had the same problem with trying to get that perfect maternity outfit.  I will post a full body picture of this suit with the shoes I always wear with it when I have someone at the house to take the picture! 

For those just getting into the maternity cloth area, remember that comfort is #1.  If you aren't very used to wearing heels, don't even go there, your feet will swell like CRAZY... and your back is already under stress, so you don't want to add to that.

Flats are always a nice way to make you look dressy without all the discomfort.  Even then, remember that they should have a little wiggle room as well, because even if you think they fit nicely at 4 months, by 6-7 months, they'll be tight, even before walking around.  Round toe is usually preferred over pointed toe... again... mostly to do with a little swelling.

If you choose to not wear maternity pants [these aren't, they're just a couple sizes bigger], remember that they need to be loose, I would recommend NEEDING a belt to have them on over having a snug pair.  Even stretchy jeans will be outgrown in a very short time, the area just above the pelvic bone spreads out a lot before you even have a "bump".  When I first got these pants about a month ago, I needed a belt with them, and now I can go without.  As soon as pants get tight, stop wearing them, because it'll make you feel really sick, and it's not good to have any pressure on your uterus.  Don't be afraid to wear pajama bottoms for a couple weeks around the house until you fit into the next size pants.

For maternity pants... not all are made the same way.  That elastic part makes a HUUGE difference.  I've so far found for this pregnancy that the full elastic just doesn't do it for me.  It DOES offer support, and I loved it for my second pregnancy.  However, with this pregnancy, the support is TOO much, where I feel really squished in, so I just roll the elastic down a bit, and it adds a lot of support for the lower belly, and makes a BIG different for ligament pain.  Remember that you don't want them to be TIGHT.  We tend to grow... fast... so you want something to do you at least 2-3 months as maternity pants... are a bit expensive. 

Shirts are a lot easier.  You can easily buy a larger shirt if you don't want to wear a maternity shirt.  The benefits of this, is that it's a lot cheaper.  I like maternity shirts because it gives me a "pregnant" look instead of a "oh, she still hasnt' lost the baby fat" look.  Maternity shirts are a bit tricky to get the proportions right though, I will admit.  The boob parts aren't always flattering, but they are made to grow.  I have a couple shirts that I tend to wear a sweater with to avoid the "boob popping" look haha.  With shirts, it's all about body type and preference.

I don't much bother with accessories in pregnancy.. I find I'm stuffy and warm enough without, but a lot of people like to wear long necklaces to take emphasis to the belly, and away from everything else [that is... everything else that SWELLS lol]. 

good luck ladies.. maternity shopping can be exciting... and a bit discouraging! haha

have a great day everyone!

-Cathleen

Well... Do Ya Want The Results?

We had out HUMUNGOUS ultrasound yesterday!!

The ultrasound department wasn't too pleased though, when I arrrived, they let me know that my doctor only scheduled for one appointment... with twins, they should have booked TWO because they have to do all the same measurements... twice.

Either way, they seemed to put up with me very well.  They said "well, you definitely have the twin belly!" and then when I laid down she looked at me a few times and said "Did you know you're the same size standing as laying?!" It was a good laugh to see all their reactions for sure. 

The appointment was for 12:45pm, and I was at the hospital by 12:00pm to register.  I had number 204 and they were already at 201, so I diodn't wait for very long haha  After I registered, I went and got a big orange juice so that the sugar would get to the babies to get them moving a bit.  I had also drank 0.5 liters before I left home.  They normally say drink a whole liter and be done drinking it 30 minutes before your appointment, but I knew I couldn't hold in a whole liter, and the last time I had an utlrasound, he did just fine with my bladder empty.  They seen them just fine, and never even mentioned if I had finished the whole liter.

Baby A was first of course, which was the lower baby [they are now side by side, so it's just a matter of which one is lower and closer to the cervix from here on out].  Baby A had great stats, and they took 30 minutes to get all of the measurements.  Baby A's toes had to be measured with me on my side.. they were up under my rib cage already lol

The stats for Baby A are as follows:

Heart Rate : 148 beats per minute
Presentation : Head Down
Weight : 9.7 ounces
Sex : GIRL

Baby B wasn't as cooperative, and they worked on me for abotu an hour to get all of their stats.  This one just wouldn't stop MOVING!  She kept getting frustrated with B because B kept flipping.. and flipping... and she had to keep repositioning herself.  She took 7 minutes just to get all the shots of B's heart because of all the flipping, she would finally get a great shot.. and then B decided it was time to move! 

The stats for Baby B are as follows:

Heart Rate : 156 beats per minute
Presentation : ...Very Active. Undecided
Weight : 10.2 ounces
Sex : BOY

So yes, my IP's will be having one girl, and one boy. 

To my knowledge, they have... nothing... for a girl yet haha I told htem already I knew for SURE one was a boy, and I knew the other had top be a girl, I always know with my pregnancies what the baby is haha  I was so confused at the beginning of the pregnancy!  I thought my predictor was BROKEN!!  But then when we found out there were TWO, I knew why I had been so confused, and I guess right away for Baby A and Baby B.  I love being specific, and I had such a strong feeling about both babies being that sex, and I had kind of already bought a little something for both babies... one in pink and one in blue... two months ago.  Tags were already removed... receipt lost... haha.

It took us about 10 minutes to be certain about Baby B... he had his umbilical cord in the mix!  so, looking up through his legs, he had the umbilical cord in the way... so I told htem to give me a second... got up... had a bigg gulp of juice... andjumps 5 times.  Sat back down, he was moving so much that he kept kicking the cord LOL  We narrowed in on the poor guy, and waited for a good shot, and just like I told them... BOY!

She told me not to be alarmed if they were a bit small, by about a week or so, so we were expecting weights of 8.5-9.5 ounces.  Which was fine, as long as they were both health and placentas were good, cervix was good etc.  Everything checked out great, and i'm super duper excited until my appointment on Friday so that I can get some pictures, and I think this time I'll be photocopying the pictures to keep some for myself.  I'm  so regretful that I didn't do that with the first ultrasound picture, and I really am excited to do it this time. 



So, my personal life is finally looking up :) It's all about getting organized right?  Well, ti's been very nearly a whole months since my hubby moved out ... and I am finally sleeping a bit better at night.  I was getting nightmares... every night... all night from all the stress of money, the kids not listening, trying my darnedest to keep the house a float and in somewhat order.  And... I'm not going to lie, being pregnant with twins and having two very  young children + thyroid problems and a tono of meds... = near burn out.  I'm starting to look forward to thinkg though, I know it's normal to feel a bit down at first about everything.  I'm a real single parent at this point... it's not as hard as I thought though, and in a lot of ways... looking back, I was a single parent in a lot of ways before he moved out... I just had three kids instead of two.

I klnow some of you want to know what the status of my marital status is because people are noticing that I'm not wearing my engagement ring anymore... but what I want to also point out.... is that I'm not wearing my birth stone either, to which I've worn every day since I was 14.  My fingers have swelled a little bit, not during the day, but sometimes just after supper time about.  Juuust enough to make my rings a bit tight, and a bit uncomfortable.  I haven't noticed swelling anywhere else though, so  I'll take that as good.  The hands and feet are VERY common to get swollen, especially for someone like me, who cleans all day, cooks.... my hands don't ever stop. 

To stop avoiding the real answer, we're still working on knowing where we both stand right now.  A lot of people don't know a lot about my past.  I had my daughter at 17.  Yep.  17.  I moved out of my parents house when I was 3 months pregnant with her.  I stayed my butt in high school throughout my entire pregnancy.  Hubs moved in with me at 36.5 weeks pregnant... before that, I was alone and mostly on my own.  It was very lonely, and none of my friends could even come close to understanding where I was coming from and what I was experiencing. 

He was 17 too.  You know what normal 17 year olds are thinking about?  College....  Universities.  Going out to a friend's house.  Date nights.  Getting a passing grade on that Math test.  Sabotaging their sibling's hair.  All we could think about was... graduating [which he did a few months before she was born, he was born in Dec. 1990, I'min January 1991, putting him a year ahead of me], getting jobs, finding a place to live, learning how to take care of a baby, learning to let go of our friends and social lives.

I'm not saying we were the only ones on the planet who went through it... but we are a couple who are very few who got through that together. 

We celebrated 5 years together this week. 5 years.

After all the struggle, where id it leave us?  What were we fighting and struggling for now?  It left us in a weird place, a place where there wasn't a whole lot of struggling... at least... not the way we did with a baby and being pregnant again while I was in school, the baby was in daycare, and he was doing shift work with unpredictable hours, never knowing if we were going to make rent.  We never even talked about what it was going to be like when we weren't always exhausted, fed up, and... just holding on.  

That's the part we have to work on NOW. 

It may take awhile... could take months... could take longer than months.  But we have 5 years under our belt.  That's a HUGE accomplishment when you consider... all fo that.  Neither of us is giving up yet, but we've both admitted that things have to change, and we need to grow and change as adults... we've never done that.  So... we're working on things and trying to grow both as individuals AND a couple, just, living apart to make it easier.  We are still engaged, there is no idea on a date to get married, and for right now, we're not planning a wedding of any kind, we're just trying to get to where we should both be.. happy. We don't know if that is together... or apart yet, that's what we're working on.

Thank you to everyone who can understand where we are... and thank you for those who are supportive even through they DON'T understand. 

This pregnancy is going amazing, and not everything is perfect, but it's life, and  I think that even though we may not realize it... a step back is never admitting defeat, it's admitting that victory is a sure thing as long as we take the necessary steps to get there. 

My thoughts go out to all my US friends.  I seen the President's speech and... as confused as you may be... us Canadians... are like "What the hell?!  They BOMBED someone?!  Aren't they BROKE?!  What are they thinking...?  WAS he thinking?!"  So... yeah... we're with you with a big question mark on our faces too.  I'm not saying... let the leaders of crazy countries kill their own people, as I do think it's an injustice... I'm just saying... Could someone fill all of North America... and possibly the ret of the world... in?  Gotta do whatchya gotta do... but I feel the confusion <3  So, here is to hoping he hold another conference, and stops avoiding the question "so.. are we at war... or jsut dropping a few bombs to flex our muscles?".

thank you all for reading these long ass boring speeches lol

-Cathleen


PS - ULTRASOUND PICTURES ARE ONLY GIVEN OUT AT THE OBS AFTER THE ULTRASOUNDS, SO FRIDAY IS THE DAY <3

19 Weeks... Big Ultrasound TOMORROW!

Hey everyone!

I know I haven't been around nearly as much as I should be.. but I'm going to be honest with you all... my life... has been soo boring LOL

So, we hit 19 weeks on Saturday.. wow.. where has the time gone?  We have about 17-18 weeks left about [hopefully that much time anyway, could be any time after 11 weeks from now :O].

Soo... my newest and more severe symptom... has been lower back pain.  Holy smokes.  Ouchies.  Some days are a LOT worse than others, some days I'm fine and it just bothers me the last hour or two of my day.  Some days though, I wake up and it already hurts, so I'll be stretching more and putting hot/cold compress and massage every night soon.  Yesterday - was a bad day.  lol  By about noon, the pain was so bad that I was nearly in tears when the pain would run from mylower back to my knee, and it would paralyze me were not moving hurt sooo much, but moving did too, so having to move to get comfortable again wasn't really working for me lol 

My pelvic pain has been much better though, so that's a BIG plus! 

Still not sleeping much, but I'm hoping that that will change when I start to stretch more often and watch what I do a bit more, I know I did A LOT of walking last week, and honestly that could be the cause of all the pain right now.  So, going to remind myslf that I have to WORK UP to walking again with the kids, and no matter who I'm walking with or fast they are going, I have to slooowwww down.  I've been cooped up in the house for MONTHS and I can't just tell my body that "well, I know you're much bigger, have a lot more fluid, and have more weight to carry around... but let's try to be as fit as you were 3 months ago when you were walking almost every day!"  ... my body.... would go on strike lol.

Alright... so of course I have my 19 week belly pictures hehe






Yep... that would be my belly button lol  Every day I'm finding more and more that it's nearly popped.  I think by 22-23 weeks, it will be completely popped outward, and I'm suspecting that a stretch  mark should make it's way across my stretch markless belly by about 30 weeks if I keep growing at this pace haha

So, a little update on how each baby should be doing, according to babycenter.com

Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.
Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.


As most of you know, my big ultrasound is tomorrow, and as far as I know  I can share measurements and presentation of each baby but not the sexes YET.  I AM hoping to be able to let you guys know after the appointment on Friday.

I've noticed that there are a little changes being made to my belly day to day.  The last few days, I've found that my bump is HIGHER and is less poppy ... lol  If that makes any sense at ALL I'll be surprised.  I'm realllllly hoping that the baby's stay one on top of other other though, as there is a lower risk of them both trying to come out at the same time, and less risk of csection.

Which brings me to answer a question.  Someone asked me why I wouldn't just have an elective csection and not deal with labor at all.  Wellllll...  lol

Csection = much longer healing time, it will make it harder for me to be matched with other couples who I wouldwant to help in the future, and the pain that lasts for weeks after the csection is NOTHING compared to maybe one day of pain for labor.  Healing time is faster, less risk of infection.  There is some studies that show that csection is harder on babies than vaginal birth [after 28 weeks] and I don't like the thought of possibly being put to sleep either.

Natural Labor = more parental involvement.  More control over my body and healing time.  Being able to pump DIRECTLY after birth.  Being able to share and film the labor [hopefully]. No bedrest afterward.  ELaving hospital in 24 hours instead of 4-5 days.  Better weightloss and health recouperation time.  Easier for me to match with other couples, and being able to help MORE couples.

For me, labor is NOTHING compared to surgery, I've had a breast reduction, and two natural, non-medicated births with back labor... give me the back labor!! 

This choice isn't for everyone, I just believe that this is what is right for ME. 

I had soe other questions this week as well that I would like to share and answer.

I will leave this message ANONYMOUS, but I will post the email and answer them FOLLOWING the email ... okay?

"

I was wondering what made you choose T & C as your IP's and if you did it again what would be different/same as them. what will happen after labour? will they have a separate room in the hospital to stay with the babies? will they stay at your place after you have the babies? I think you should also talk about the complications of doing a surrogacy for someone overseas such as adoption of the babies or how you were originally thinking of having the babies there.

I think it's such an interesting surrogacy, especially because they are overseas and you are basically doing it on your own.

Some other questions for the blog (because I'm nosey! haha)

Do you have a set schedule for pictures or updates or just random updates after you have them?

Would you ever do a surrogacy for an overseas couple again?

How has the surrogacy been different from your expectations?

Do your IP's have concerns about your thyroid medications affecting the babies? "

 

 

When you meet IP's, you have to first think ...can I live with these people for 9 months of my life, and then can I trust them to raise this child properly... neither of which you can actually answer until you have gone through the nine months..so not very helpful right lol

 

Every surrogate just makes the best judgement call you can.  Most of the time, you haven't known these people for all of your life.. you don't meet their entire families... it just doesn't happen.  Therefore.. unfortunately, you just have to HOPE you made the right choice by the things they've told you and the way they have reacted thus far into the surrogacy. 

 

Remember that MANY relationships go sour either during the surrogacy, or afterward.  I wanted to help the MOST deserving couple, who were in the MOST need.  That can always be a difficult thing to do.

 

 

In the hospital, after the birth, I will sign over my parental rights, and nothing is final, since we don't know when the babies will be born.  If the babies are well enough to stay in the hospital room, we have spoken about getting a joint room so that I won't have to bother with bringing milk all over the place all the time.  If they are in the NICU, I have to talk to the hospital and see where we go from there.  As far as I know, usually the mother stays in thehospital, but not sure for our situation.

 

With overseas surrogacy like this, they will h ave to wait for the birth certicate and then passports to bring the babies back home, where she will adopt both babies under her name.  It's a little complicated, but I will update you all on how it goes when we get to that point :)

 

 

Unfortunately in surrogacy, although the IP's have to trust the surrogat for 9 months, we as surrogates have to sit back and hope tht the IP's follow through with their part of the deal.... to keep on contact with us after the birth.  There is not set schedule as of yet, but I'm hoping maybe I could speak to them about this and see what that goes.  I knwo that they will be sending pictures as often as they can [hopefully that won't be like every year or something lol] and I'm hoping that they still want to skype with me after the birth and after they are home.  Everything changes after the babies are born, they have total control over the babies at that point, and they may feel the need to cut me out a lot more than they feel they would at this point.. seeing as how they haven't had the chance to even hold them yet... sio, although I should have set up a schedule, I'm praying that they just keep up their side of the deal. 

 

 

At THIS time... I would have to say no, I wouldn't do overseas surrogacy again unless they were filthy rich and could make it to the appointments.  I have found it very lonely to go to every appointment and ultrasound alone, and quite honestly... I don't think I could do TS again if the parents weren't a lot more involved.  it's just too hard on me and my family.  Things could change, but as of right NOW... no I won't do another overseas surrogacy.

 

 

I think every first surrogacy is a kick in the "expectations" box.  I didn't expect to feel so alone all the time.  I didn't expect that the money that I asked for a singleton pregnancy wouldn't nearly cover a multiple pregnancy [in my defense, I've never been pregnant with multiples].  I'm hoping that the end result is more joyous and worth it than I expected, because the surrogacy has been more rough that I had ever imagined thus far.  Not all of it has to do with the surrogacy, but life in general has kicked me in the butt the last few months, and it's been 10x worse to try to cope while pregnant.  Again, having IP's who were MUCH closer and available to be here with me would have been so much easier at a time like this.

 

 

With the medication I'm on, I'm on the lowest dose.  There would have been some bad side effects that were possible IF it wasn't under control, IF the medication was a much higher dose and IF it had caused other possible complicated associated with hyperthyroidism.  Thankfully, it was under control in even less time than they expected, and the risk to the babies and myself on thsi medication is close to zilch.  Being on the medication, I have a higher risk of Pre Eclampsia, Gestational Diabetes and Premature Labor... the good news is that the risk is only a concern past 15mg per day... we're only at 5mg per day.  They have my blood pressure under watch, as well as any bacteria in my urine, and so far, everything looks AMAZING and hasn't changed!  So, yes, there are risks, but it is different for every person.  I have no medical history for high blood pressure or even swelling unless I was on my feet all day, and even then, if I had put my feet up and drank some nice ice water, I was fine within 10 minutes :D 

 

 

I hope that answered all of the questions well. 

 

People ask me if there are things like mixed emotions, or occasional frustration toward my IP's out.  Yes I do.  I hnestly don't like it when I get a message from my IP's saying that people may take things this way or that way, that it may upset their partner etc, and it's very stressful and tiring to have to change the way I express myself to suit someone else's views and lifestyle.  So, to keep my IP's and general public happy, I leave a lot of personal emotion OUT.  As well, I get people who critisize on MY opinions... at first I thought.. well... it's MY blog... so yeah... I'm going to have an opinion, get used to it.  But then I just got tired of it all, and I just decided that it just was not worth it!

 

 

Anyway, I have to get an early night tonight, it's been a long day haha

 

I'll be back tomorrow to update <3

 

Have a great day/night everyone!!

 

Cathleen

Touching Adoption Story!

I had to share this with you because it is surrogacy related in the sense that another woman, brought this couple, a child, even if it wasn't under the best circumstances.

http://www.godvine.com/Powerful-Story-of-a-Woman-Who-was-Aborted-but-Survived-72.html

It's a bit long, but it was so touching, I didn't realize it was really that long at all!!

OPINIONS PLEASE!!

Hey everyone!

Okay, I know that I haven't been blogging lately.. nearly enough.  I've had... so many personal problems come up this week and my world has been turned upside down to say the LEAST!  haha   Okay, so it's all over now, and the last two weeks ahve been CHAOOSSS.  Britney Spears thinks SHE has it bad.. my gosh don't go there lol 

Okay, so.  My IP's and I are getting ready for the birth of the babies [not to actually go and HAVE them, but talking about the specifics now]. 

We agreed on the dynamics of it all, which was great.  No biggie.

The thing we aren't sure of yet, is this.  I'm an open person, I'm a free spirited Canadian.  They are private English folk [for the most part... you know... besides getting a free spirited Canadian knocked up LOL]. 

I, of course, want to film the labor bit at least to share [no faces of them or their voices or anything like that, I know they wouldn't do that, being English and.. private folk is what I called it above I think].  I thought for sure, I'd be able to do that with all of my surrogacies, afterall, that's the part where my body is in full force, and to me, it's just labor, it's all natural, but I wanted to share it really bad!!  The birth part I knew we would have to talk about.  That's a given.  I wanted the medical side to it all, more of an educational and inspirational type of video, again, no faces of the nurses, doctors or them. 

So... I have now found myself in a position where I guess I wasn't clear enough in the beginning again lol  I thought the confidentiality claus in our agreement kind of covered all of this, and as long as they were kept out of it, and their babies too of course, I would be okay. 

We live in different parts of the world, have different experiences etc.  I wanted to do this for MY own labors as well.. and nothing was set up, both times it was "OMFG" moments. With my first, we were in to get an IV put in to be induced the next morning, they checked me to see if I needed anything to efface, and I was 6cm dilated, they had to keep me.  I had no hospital bag, hubby didn't have his bag... we had ... nothing with us. lol  We were both told we should stay, I was told they couldn't release me.  With my second, I had my hospital bag with me at a friends house when my water broke!  I thought I would have time to go home get changed etc, but again, with my fast labors... wasn't happening when I arrived the nurse told hubby right away, if you leave, you could miss it all.  So, again it was a shock, his boss had driven him from WORK to meet me hahaha

So, this will be the first time that I have the opportunity to film it as well. 

They are not sure if they would be comfortable with any of it... not even the labor part.  So, now we're at ends a bit, and trying to settle this.  She already posted something on her blog asking opinions, and I thought it was FINALLY my turn to do it too!  So, for or against, I want your opinions on the subject, to help us all decide what to do. 

Again, I never thought this would come up, a lot of people asked me "didn't you discuss this already", I just figured I had my blogs, they agreed that my youtube blogs were a good idea, they knew how much I shared with you all etc and I honestly figured they knew just how open I was...I read the contract the confidentiality claus, I honestly and truly never even thought this would be an issue!  haha 

Leave your comments, I'm open to both sides, I wouldn't ask if I wasn't :P  I always get mixed comments, which is fine, it's good and I'm glad everyone has an opinion. 

The only thing III don't want is "Why the heck would you put that on the internet?!" or "You're crazy" I want honest full opinions and explanations so I know where you are coming from.  There aren't too many surrogates who are comfortable with posting their labors and births, there are even less who have twins and post it.  I am sharing my pregnancy with you, and I want to share the birth and everything that comes afterwards as well. 

Soo... let me have it!!

-Cathleen

- PS -

17.5 weeks

always concentrate too much lol

3rd OBS/17 Weeks

Well, I'm not going to lie.  The last week has been... hectic, overwhelming and stressful.  HOWEVER, I've learned to organize myself, cope better and find myself a bit as well, so I think it evens out.

My fiance moved out March 3rd.  For those who know me... I keep to myself a lot.  I don't honestly have friends who come over for play dates, and I don't go out for playdates.  I don't have suppers, and don't get invited to them.  My first little bit of excitement, is a birthday party for a 4 year old this weekend.  What the heck do you buy a 4 year old? lol  I knew one day, I would have birthday parties, it comes with the mommy status.  What I DIDN'T do.. is my research on age appropriate gifts. 

Today, I had a welfare representative... pop by... at 930am.  Wonder if he noticed my bralessness? haha  I felt at the time, that it was definitely an invasion of privacy for sure... and I was upset.  However... how could I have prepared any differently other than cleaning my darn house?  I was still the same person I would have been, I had the same explanation and information I would have had.  My children were both fed, clothed and fairly happy.  Sometimes, we need to just say "oh well!" and move on.  I'm trying to do that more often.  I think we all should.

Okay.  So, our OBS was FIRST on the dock, but I like to show you guys a window into my personal life.  I'm not just a surrogate, I am a mommy and a person as well.  I have struggles just like you all, and I hope that my bluntness doesn't put anyone off... this is what you get sometimes, just me. 

The date of our OBS was March 11th.  As all appointments, I got my stats, but it started off with me explaining my situation to my nurse, who is also my ... well... Josh's cousin through marriage.  She knows how young we were, but didn't now about the ADHD or him not being medicated as a child.  I explained that to her, and that, we are trying to work on things, slowly, and effectively, in order to build an adult relationship that started from friendship as teenagers. 

Here are the stats
Weight: 111.5 - 2 lbs lost in a week
Blood Pressure: 110/60 -my regular blood pressure
Pulse: scattered.  It was taken, at 146 beats per minute and then five minutes later, 102 beats per minute.  Just my thyroid trying to even things out.

Blood Test Results
Previous Thyroid Count: 30
Current Thyroid Count: 15

This all means... a lot.  Start with weight gain.  It's certainly not great.  We won't worry until our next appointment though.  No reason to worry, if there is nothing to worry about yet :)  We were 16w6d, and it wasn't necessary to gain a whole lot anyway yet.  The only concern he has is that with my thyroid slowing DOWN, my metabolism should be as well ... making it hard to NOT gain weight now. 

Blood test results, mean that I went from being in a very dangerous place, to now being considered safe.  That means... so much.  I am down to 1 tapazole 5mg a day, which also means I can slow down on my morning sickness pills since I will suffer less side effects.  It also means, that we are trying to keep it controlled, not bringing those levels down anymore.  It also means, that they don't have to up my dosage, which means less side effects or chances for long term side effects.  This is great.

He did the doppler thing, which is always exciting.  He couldn't find Baby B though, and I think he was honestly very concerned [he told me later that he was a little concerned, but the way he rushed me to the ultrasound machine... he was a bit more than a little concerned I think haha].  So, yes, we got an ultrasound.  Which is good.  I was pleased to be honest.  With twins, a lot of the time, you do need an ultrasound to get the heartbeats because there is a whole lot of extras in there.  Baby A, on teh bottom, and head down [for now] had a healthy heartbeat of 180.  Baby B, much higher up, and still transverse, had a lovely heartbeat of 140.  They let me take a video for the parents, they were very pleased to see them!  We didn't get pictures though, as the quality was low, and he couldn't measure them for the same reason.

I have a time for our 20 week ultrasound.  March 29th, 2011 at 12:45 Atlantic time.  So very exciting.

SECOND PART

Holy crap, we made it to 17 weeks, with both babies healthy and still growing.  I feel... huge, and I'm not. lol I'm just "big" for 17 weeks.  Wanna see? If you don't... I'm sorry... I like to share haha

I always apologize for my camera... I do keep setting it, honestly, but it seems to have a mind of it's own!  I also realize that I keep changing the way I'm facing lol  That's not very helpful I'm sure LOL  I'm going to start taking them all facing the dor way, sorry about that, I never realize it when I'm doing it, I usualy take them super fast. 

I know this has been a long post, and I have more to talk about and to ask you all about, so I'll make another post tomorrow maybe?  I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post... I know that I wanted to keep posting as often as I had something to talk about, but I'm sure you all can understand how deep I am in my own stuff rigth now.  Thank you to everyone who is supporting me through messages and just checking in.  It means a LOT to me.  You have no idea.

I have a quote here for you all though, I hope you like it.

          «Our true wealth is the good we do in this world. None of us has faith unless we desire for our neighbors what we desire for ...ourselves.» — Mohammed

I think we all strive to be better people, to improve on our past mistakes.  I don't doubt that.  Every day, we can make a difference, in our lives, our children's lives and our neighbor's lives.  A simple gester of thanks, friendship, love or appreciation can change someone's day.  Just remembering to say thank you to everyone, makes a difference.  I was  hospitalized during my last pregnancy, and one day, the janitor came in, and asked if I would like to have my floors washed.  I said yes, it would be great, and before he left, I said "Excuse me.." and he thought he missed a place.  I continued at the puzzle I seen forming on his face, "Thank you, I really like getting out of bed to a clean floor." He told me that not many people thanked him, that it was just his job.  Sometimes we forget to appreciate the little things in life.  Even if it's just a snow removal man, a janitor, a social services worker... without these people, we would be lost.  They do the jobs that no one else wants to do.  They deal with the hardest jobs there is, the least appreciated jobs.  Josh works in an old folks home... and I know he has rough days, he's come home and asked to not change diapers that day.. he had just been up all night doing so.  He comes home GLOWING when a family member thanks him, or the patients thank him.  Please remember that, I know we can get rushed, and we just forget.  Let's all try to take a few moments, because that's all it takes, to stop, and thank someone for what they do for us, or the people we love. 

Thank you all for reading these, Lent just started for those who are religious.  Lent is personal, it is a personal sacrifice me make.  Most people give up fast food, junk food... I've decided a few years ago, that instead, I would make a point to be more proactive.  More specifically, I would do things around the house that I would not normally do daily, but would improve our lives.  I'm not extremely religious, I do pray before bed if I don't pass out as soon as I get in bed, for those who aren't... it is a choice, just like everything else,  but I feel safer, believing in something greater than us.  If there is no heaven, and it IS all a big scam from the Catholic Church, I have improved my own life, and the lives around me through the belief that there is something beyond this life.  We are on this planet for a limited time, why not have faith in something that makes me feel safe, encourages me to help others... right? 

I hope you all have a great day/night. 

Follow me if you aren't already, it's an ego boost haha

-Cathleen