Saturday, April 13, 2013

Question Period

So, I was asked a few questions, and I personally don't like being asking for facts of surrogacy, because facts are different everywhere, every clinic and Dr and couple and surrogate are different. This blog is from my point of view, and I don't mind sharing opinions. We are all entitled to an opinion, and I think it's important to at least have an opinion. 

It's fine if you disagree with my opinion, I can respect that you also have one, and I appreciate that you do, it means that you've look into it, and know where you stand which is very important. Please don't bash me for my opinion, and I won't bash you for yours. 

Q: How do you choose a family?

A: I choose a couple/person who want the same out of the surrogacy, during and afterward. What kind of relationship do they want? Do they have embryos already? How many babies are they willing to have? At hat point do they want to terminate/reduce? Do they want to be part of the pregnancy? Birth? What role would they like me to have after the surrogacy is over? Do we have a connection? These are all things that have to be either agreed on, or we have to be able to compromise to make everyone happy!

Q: If you became pregnant with their baby and it was multiples and they wanted you to abort some, how would u feel about that?

A: Before you get to transfer, or even start IVF medication, all of this is discussed. It's really part of the "matching" process. Therefore, you don't get there and have to make a decision that is best for everyone. I am personally willing to carry up to 2 babies. I'm not comfortable with more than that at this point. It also means I'm not willing to put more than that amount of embryos in (both could take and one could split, resulting in triplets, but I'll explain what would happen then too). If a last minute decision were to happen, where the Dr felt comfortable putting in 3 embryos (rare here in Canada), and all three took, then I would reduce to 2. I don't feel comfortable with reducing 2 embryos to 1. I only feel comfortable reducing 3 to 2 because of the long term health of the babies, and me. 

Q: Is is a long process?

A: The process CAN be long. You need to be screened, mentally, physically and internally to make sure that you are in good health all around and are prepared to take this journey. They run blood work, do ultrasounds on our reproductive organs, make sure we speak to a social worker about the process and make sure that everyone is on the same page. These are VERY important, none of this should be under-minded. There is also a contract, and everyone has to agree on everything in it. Everything to do with the surrogacy, from start of meds to 6 weeks post birth will be included, every scenario accounted for. This usually takes 4-9 months, and does not include finding the right match, that could take 1 day to 2-3 years depending on what you are looking for, and what you are comfortable compromising on. 

Q: How will u explain the new pregnancy to ur kids? Will they meet the new baby?

A: My eldest (Lexi, age 4.5) understands that the twins I had were not ours "for keepsies", and the way I explained it was that their mommy's belly is broken, so we grew their babies in my belly instead. It's easier this time, we'll be telling her and Gabey (soon to be 3) that the guys don't have girl parts to grow a baby in, so mommy is going to help them by using my girl parts to make their baby/babies. Children accept these things so quickly and easily, they are taught what is normal, what is acceptable. I want them to know that we should all help others, even if ti's not in all the same ways, to the best of our ability with minimal in return. 

Q: If u got preg with 2 babies but they only wanted 1, would u carry on with the pregnancy and find another family to take the other baby, or u abort one?

A: That goes hand in hand with what I said earlier, I wouldn't decide to work with a couple who would want to reduce 2 to 1 simply because there were "too many" babies. Many sets of twins are born very healthy, and lead normal lives with no birth defects or abnormalities long term due to being a bit premature. Triplets can be born quite premature in many cases and have long term health problems, and in some situations, babies can die. That is the difference for me, after already having had one twin pregnancy.

Q: How did your husband react when you told him that you wanted to do this?

A: He actually thought I was kidding, and he probably thought I was crazy. It honestly took him awhile to come around to the idea, and wasn't comfortable with it. It took a lot of compromise, and he had to meet the couple and only then was he okay with it, and even then, he was a bit uneasy about it. This time around, he understands what it will entail and is on board 100%.

As always folks, if you have questions, please leave them in the comment area, and I will answer them the next blog either before or after the update. 

1 Month and 2 Weeks until i'm in Toronto!