Monday, November 29, 2010

When Not To Assume

I had to post this today.  I know I try to express my feelings as much as I can to you so that you can understand what it is like to be a surrogate.

Well, I had been speaking to an amazing same sex couple only 5.5 hours away from me, which is the closest I've even encountered who were searching for a traditional surrogate.  I hadn't had contact with them for a few weeks, and seeing as how they were so perfect, I figured they had found someone and didn't know how to tell me.

I was wrong.

They had simply taken time out, away from it all.  I got a message asking me what was new from them, honestly quite surprised to hear from them.  As you can imagine, they were quite upset with me.  I asked them to read my blog, and as soon as they had, they had messaged me.  I felt absolutely horrible.  I was crying.  Like I had let a close friend down.  Broken a promise.  Tattled on a friend to whom had kept secrets for you in the past.

This world is filled with both glorious and horrendous surprises... this was not one of those glorious ones.  I was fully expecting them to tell me that they had been matched and writing up contracts.  I'm not only in shock, but in despair, for they are truly a great couple.  I'm sad that this has happened, truly, and I hope that this does not happen to anyone else.  It is quite heart breaking to know that you've completely shattered a couple's heart. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to call them or message them when/if I become available in all honesty, since I don't know if they even ever want to talk to me again.

If they decide to read this.. all I can say is that I'm so sorry... although, I know that will never help what I've done and I can only pray that it even makes a difference.  They are definitely a couple I would want to work with, and I have to tell everyone, if you're a surrogate, these guys would be absolutely wonderful.  I'm just sorry I won't be working with them.




Yes... that's right.  We're not just waiting to test.  okay, that's a lie... There will be no waiting because everyone who knows me knows that I don't wait... I wait 5 days... and only because 6dpo is the absolute earliest time you can get a +.  Other than that, I would be testing - now.

Okay.. so I will admit that the insems aren't my favorite part of surrogacy.  BUT... they get me to this point, where I get to blog and tell you that there are now 13.5 days until we should get a +.  Yep... in 13.5 short days, I could be on here telling you all that I'm knocked up and ready to bloat.  LOL

Hopefully in 2 weeks you'll start to get belly pictures and then I can start scanning stuff to show you!!

Anyone who's ever tried to get pregnant knows that this time of the wait SUCKS.  NO ONE likes the 2WW.  The reason being that it's soooooooooooooo long.

I am now laying here after having done the insems for the second time.  LOL  Yeah... all women know what I'm feeling right now [ew].  LOL  Yep... that's right.  So home insems aren't that glorious. lol  They aren't, but they can be much more intimate .. that sounds wrong, but I mean with your IPs.  You're not working with doctors and machines but rather with people and feelings.  Isn't that what surrogacy is all about?  I understand that some surros do IUI because it increases the chances of conception.  I like it this way to be honest, with all the real feeling and emotion.

Alright... SOOOOOO.  LOL   I will shortly be on with tests bahahahahah I have ovr 50 tests ready [thank goodness] and I'm ready to start to take them!!  I feel like I should be testing tomorrow!  LOL I'm going to start testing in five days, even though the chances are minimal.. I have tests that measure at 10mui/ml... so they will be the earliest to pick it up. woohoo!