Monday, August 22, 2011

The Want Without The Financial Capability

Okay, so I am definitely the first one to say [and believe] that those who are on welfare should not be trying to add more children to their families until they are financially stable. Period. I think it's wrong.

I have been suddenly seeing what seems like hundreds of people pregnant every day, seeing commercials for pregnancy tests, even my child's cartoon's have mommies who are super pregnant lately. It's driving me nuts lol

Then, suddenly hubby expresses that he actually wants the same amount of children I do - 4. We're at 2 right now, still living apart, still working on things, and our children are only 15 and 35 months old. We have lots of time to have another baby. LOADS. I'm 20.5 years old, there is no rush.

I'm thinking surrogacy may actually just be a way to put off this biological need to reproduce. It's crazy to want to have another baby in my situation! CRRAZY! So yes... I know this post will get a lot of "you can wait, my gosh, you had 4 kids in 2.75 years!" kind of posts.

It isn't just today though, it's been the last little while, baby fever always hits me faster and faster. I would be that woman in a villagewho gets pregnant like once a year and half the village's children are hers. Yeah - I've thought about this way too much.  Either way, I can't wait to be pregnant again, and I know that I can't do a surrogacy until March since my relationship is far too fragile to handle the stress of another surrogacy, and possibly other complications that come with surrogacy.  So, for another 6+ months... I will take my birth control pills religiously and wait.  It's driving me nutso! I have to be crazy!

All of that being said haha I was in a TTC group, and it got narrowed down from 114 to 18 people because people couldn't all get along and hold hands? I was really frustrated becuase everyone will have a different opinion on things, and it could have been dealt with a lot better in my opinon. I have started a few groups on facebook and have not ONCE had to delete a single person!

There are so many things going on lately lol

Josh has been working out of town and only here for a couple days at a time and then back out. The bonus... it's the same town as the "other woman" is from and lives in. That's right. I want to KILLL his boss... just saying.

I'm on day 11 of my birth control pills... I haven't been on birth control pills since december 2007! ..They didn't work well for me... my daughter was born in September 2008 lol Couldn't start my January pack and waited 3.5 weeks to come to terms that I needed to take a pregnancy test... being 3.5 weeks late... I was still in denial. I'm not using it for birth control right now obviously as I always always always use a second form of birth control, but my cycles being 28 days every month will be kind of nice haha. I can't believe that after almost 4 years, I can still remember to take them every single day within 20 minutes of the time I alotted for them! YAY ME! Yeah I know... 11 days isn't a HUGE thing - but it's pretty big for me lol I don't even remember WEEKLY things like taking the garbage out!

I went on a "vacation" for a couple days alone with Josh. His hotel is paid by work, so I went down and spent a couple days there [couple being...2 :)].  I did find that it held some healing power. We adventured all around, we went and got lost together, and found ourselves again. We did a little shopping [okay.. I did TOO MUCH shopping... let's be honest, that's what women do lol]. And I decided on a tattoo [I don't have any yet... and I know it's a sin... but I also don't want to die with regrets!! I want to experience as much as I can!].  The first day I was there was stressful... my sitter was young, and I should have known my children would have been too much, but had to find a sitter for the second day and night. Bullet dodged and I really enjoyed the last day there!

What an eventful week... sorry for the huge update on things. I'm trying to not post my life all over facebook and keep it for here!! Plus... sometimes I realize that if I want attention, I should get it in positive ways [like having more surrobabies!! haha].

I hope everyone has an AMAZING week, and try to pray for those who purposely hurt others, and those who lie and cheat and steal from honest people... they are obviously misguided and need all of the prayers we can offer!

-Cathleen xox

1 comment:

  1. aww lol. and yea i know what ya mean with that group lol. freakin bashin people for circumsizing boys, grow the hell up ppl =]

    glad u got to enjoy a little break.