I have been talking to many people in private about my situation, and have gotten SO much support, encouragement, different [very different] views on life, relationships, motherhood, and being a wife. While speaking to them, I said things that I later looked back at and realized that I not only meant every word, but that it made perfect sense to use in every day life... things I would later say to my daughter and son.
I said this during a conversation with one of my high school best friends [I won't use names] while talking about things with her, and when I read it back to myself, I realized that I could really be proud of it. It was exactly how I felt, and how I feel and how my daughter may feel in twenty years.
I believe that each relationship starts as a seed, grows roots, and then emerges into the world as something either beautiful or devastating. Eventually that tree grows, it can be either healthy or infested with illness, and can grow or die. We have many trees in our lives, some deeper than others, some still growing, some have stopped growing years before and of course, some have already died. Whether they simply weren't nourished, or were burnt down willingly is a circumstance of consequence.
My marriage has very deep roots for me, and it was built on adventure, love, trust, wonder and unquestionable friendship. Parts of those roots are wounded, some of those damaged to an extent that I'm not sure if they can ever be repaired. In order for the tree to survive, it must be carefully replanted, in earth that has been brought up, and it may never be the same tree again, but it will be a tree that will continue to grow. If not, then the tree will release it's own seeds, and a new relationship will begin, not as deep as the previous and original tree, but one built on an attempt of friendship - as we will always be in each other's lives, since we have children together. It won't just end when the children move out, we will share weddings, grandchildren and great grandchildren. In order for that to even be possible, there will be effort regardless.
The second quote is this one.
"a slippery and cold slope at times, but hopefully it will be filled with hot chocolate stops and warm camp fires."I was speaking in reference to the repairing of the relationship. I think that it describes any marriage though, because when two people come together there will ALWAYS be challenges involved and there will always be fights and arguments and tears... and such is life. The things you should be able to remember at the end of the day or the moments that bring tears of JOY to your eyes... your first kiss, first date, first time coming together as one person, your first child, and every child after, the times you were proud of each other beyond any words and the future. The future should always look bright.
I'm going away to be alone with him for about 57 hours, and in those days he will have to work, but it will be the first time we are away with the kids... neither of us have ever had a vacation. We've never gone out over night together.
In order for this to happen I had a LOT of support around me and I think that I will always remember those people as the ones who enabled my marriage to come together, because I don't honestly think that it was ever actually together. I think we wanted it to, and I think that instead of lettin git happen, we ran from all of our real issues... these people are enabling us to actually fix these issues.
I even have a friend who is willing to take my children on top of her THREE MONTH OLD so that I can go do this. How amazing is that?! She is the main reason I can go.
I had two friends come together and send me money, without them, I couldn't afford for someone to take the kids [I was originally going to take them WITH me since he's gone for a total of 6 days and it seemed likea long time to be apart when we're trying to work on something like this].
My mom said she can take my daughter for a night as well, which will give my sitter a little break as well. My daughter is the trouble/mess maker of the two to be honest, my son is pretty well behaved [15 months old now].
Wish me luck... I can use all the luck I can get.