Thursday, August 11, 2011

Passion...Love...And The Blood

Okay, not all three are directly related to each no... I didn't turn into  Macbeth or anything.

A lot of my readers know that relationship wise, I've been a MESS the last few months. It's in my blog and everything. It's been hard as all heck and I have no idea how two people who think they love each other so much can go through so much.

I am impatient, short tempered, hormonal and selfish at times. I know that, those are my downfalls. 

I still know that I'm worth more than to be cheated on, lied to and put aside. 

I waited to write this because I find that when things are fresh for me, I'm very dramatic and even though I tend to write BETTER when I'm passionate about the subject still, it's not always FAIR. And don't even go there, we all do it. We like pity parties thrown for us.

Some marriages go through a rough spot, and one of the two partners in that marriage strays... whether it is for emotional comfort, physical pleasure, the lure of the unknown, the rush of the excitement... it does happen.

What SUCKS... is when you're the one cheated on. It's easy to do it, and then you know you have to be good after you get caught, never do it again.... It's hard to want to trust again... and then being able to trust again, always wondering if  you're missing something, if you should be expecting something around the corner. I mean... every time you think about your partner.. you're going to think about them with that other person. How do you live with that, especially when you have children together?

It seems to me that most people will say "just move on, you can do better than them". That's very easy to say to someone else, and very hard to do, or to even WANT to do. 

Obviously, this is what I'm dealing with right now. The classic "I love you both" dramatic story where the long term partner finds out there is a short term partner on the side. Sometimes the cheating partner chooses not to leave the short term partner because the "sizzle" and "pizazz" is gone from the long term relationship. Sometimes they realize that it's not really what makes them happy. If this happens, then the partner who was cheated on has to make a decision. Does this partner want the cheating partner back?

Of course... I'm not sure what THIS partner will decide.  I'm hoping to find the answers when I look into myself and decide COMPLETELY on what I want in LIFE... because whomever I decide to one day MARRY... has to still be there in 60 years when I meet my great grand children.

So now I decide which of many roads to take to fulfill my ultimate dream - happiness.

On a side note, I start my period yesterday, so today is the first day of birth control pills :)

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