Ring Ring Ring!

My IP's and I are very new with each other, which is usually the height of embarrassing moments in any match. Trying to say the right thing, while still trying to be completely genuine and be yourself is VERY hard!

We agreed last week that last night at 8pm my time they would call. At 7:41pm I sat at my computer, and I wanted to relax. Well...THAT didn't happen lol I had had the kids in bed on time, read them an extra story each to ensure that their minds were tired and that they wouldn't need me while I was on this call. I had snacks on the table I could munch on while I spoke to them, and the baby was napping. Perfect.

7:59, I'm watching the time.

8:00...Okay, now the waiting can begin. Any minute.

WRONG.

No waiting...the phone rings. I panic. Phone rings again. I look down at the phone and wonder why the heck I'm not answering it.

The phone rings again.

I grab the phone and answer.

It was NOT that bad haha. we spent 27 minutes talking and I was so nervous I forgot about the snacks I had laid out for myself and I cleaned as quietly as I could as we talked.

It takes them 18 hours to drive to see their family within this region. 18 HOURS. They were telling me they leave at night so that there is less traffic but one year they did that and there was night time constructiona nd they were stuck in the SAME spot for two hours. Yeah...they are very dedicated to family because I would have turned around and said "Know what? let's try this again tomorrow" lol.

It all ended well, the baby woke up as we were finishing up, my dishwasher got filled, my living room got cleaned and my kitchen is beautifully gleaming lol.


In other news, I got in contact with a lawyer from New Brunswick today. He is on board to help with the surrogacy contract from afar, which is important to me. He is the only lawyer in New Brunswick that I could find and he is VERY easy going from what I grasp, which is PERFECT for me.

I gave him some background on me, and then I told him about the surrogacy that I am thinking will happen, how they have an egg donor, that they are same sex couple (men) and that they both have embryos. He wrote down some other details that I won't share here that are important for the contract and he told me to let him know when I receive the draft for the contract and we'll start going over it. He knows that we have until August and he said that he loves that we have time to work on the contract without strict time restraints.

Everything is falling into place :)


Evan turned 6 months old today, so I have exactly 6 months left to breastfeed him and then I'll be started meds shortly after. It all sseems so surreal right now!

Tick Tock

I got an email from my potential IP's today, and apparently they were not informed that I was not going to be ready for IVF until August. To say the least, it has been a long day, and they haven't responded to my email letting them know. Although there is still six months left until I am ready, I really wanted to get to know my IP's beforehand, and to form a relationship given my surrogacy history.

As I watch the hours go by, I'm scared that they will decide that they want someone who is already ready to go. I am a bit upset that the agency did not tell them this to begin with, as I have made it clear to the agency that under no circumstances will I be ready before then.

I hate that I have to wait now, and I don't know their timeline for when they want to be transferring, and how much they would want to stick to that timeline either. This is one problem with agencies I guess, you're dealing with a third party who is involved outside of the surrogacy and you have to kind of assume that information was passed on correctly.

Lesson Learned : Assume nothing and take it upon myself to make the timeline, expectations clear on my end.

The New Men In My Life

The last few months I have been going through profiles of IP's for my next surrogacy, but to no avail. I kept telling myself, everything happens for a reason! These aren't working out because your perfect match isn't here yet, but it WILL come.

A lot of surrogates and IP's alike tend to rush into things, and this time I promised myself that there will be NO rushing, this will all happen on my terms, and this will work out and there is a couple who wants what I want, and things will be perfect, or at least near to it. I kept telling myself that there is plenty of time left, and I promised myself that even if it was July when I finally met my couple, it would not be a big deal, it'll happen the way it is supposed to happen.

Well, after numerous couples not working out, I decided to sit back and relax for awhile. Don't try too hard I told myself.

Along came a couple who seem to want nearly exactly what I want.

Surely, it can't be true right?

Well, so far, I've been speaking to them for a week, and they really seem like the cutest couple ever, and I am really hoping that it works out with them. They sent me their list of paperwork from the clinic that I need to fill out, and my gosh, it's definitely lengthy.

The list of paperwork that I have completed so far today are :

1. Consent and Release - this is basically a one sheet form that outlines what I can expect and what is expected of me with the clinic and surrogacy.

2. Attitudes and Preferences - this is a package about me, and about what I want and expect from the surrogacy, and after the surrogacy.

3. Gestational Carrier Application - I can't even sum up the amount of information I put into this. It is a 4 page package of questions. My goodness...they ask a lot of questions, but they are all necessary!

4. Consent To Disclose Personal Health Information - ...this is pretty self explanatory really. It's me giving the clinic permission to get my medical records.

5. A sheet that declares what screening tests are necessary for both me and Josh.

6. Infertility History Form - I'm not sure why this was necessary to be honest, but it was a 7 or 8 page package about my fertility background, birth controls over the years, anything to do with my hormones [onset of any kind of puberty, periods, menstrual cycles, any family genetics, ancestry...whatever you can think of...it's in there!]. Very long. It has a section for Josh as well...but nothing really seem to be relevant, so I will be asking my IF's about that part.

My ink ran out after printing all of that out, but my mom is going to print out the rest for me and drop them off later on today, and I'll complete them then! I'll update this list later once I've gotten the rest of the paperwork filled out.

It took me about an hour and a half to fill it all out so far.

I haven't spoken to my IP's about what information they would feel comfortable with me giving out, so for now I won't give any of their information out except that they are Canadian, and that they have family within the region.

They've also expressed that they want to have a close relationship, so I'm super excited for that, and that they would like to be here in town for about 9 months after the birth. I thought this was amazing, and I would be super interested in something like that. I hav eno clue how much involvement I would have of course, and maybe they would want my involvement to be very limited, I have no idea yet.

It is so important to be yourself while seeing if you are a match with IP's, and I'm trying so hard to let my personality come out, but I'm also very nervous about those first impressions, or giving the wrong impression of who we are.

So far we've only spoken through email, but just today we've agreed to have contact over the phone, and exchanged phone numbers.

Talking over the phone is a whole new step for me! Over email, it is so easy to take your time to explain things and erase and rewrite things [haha...I do that frequently], in when you're on the phone, you have no time for that, and you have to try to make a good impression while being yourself...on the spot!

I'm nervous but very excited at the same time. I hope that I'm a good fit for them, and that they are a good fit for me, all we've really seen is a general profile of each other, but I'm glad that I have potential IP's! 6 months and 8 days until we stop nursing, but there is so much to do until then!

Let It Snow

Although the holidays are done, we are finally getting our first blizzard of the year! As I look out the window right now, I see eight inches of snow...and it's still coming down!

I of course can't stand snow, or cold, but living in Nothern New Brunswick along the Atlantic Ocean, I've learned that this comes with the territory [pun intended]. The kids will be absolutely thrilled though, this means that we get to finally make a snowman.

I guess I can appreciate the wonder that is snow for my childrens' sake, this will also be Evan's first time laying in a pile of snow!


On the surrogacy front, I am speaking to a few people here and there but nothing serious. Which is fine, I have another 7 months before I'm ready and I completely understand why people want a surrogate who is ready yesterday! When it happens, it'll be perfect and it'll be meant to be!


Being a stay at home mom...honestly still adjusting. I keep saying "it's only been 4 months!" but I should totally have it down by now haha. The baby is still up every 2 hours at night, when that improves, so will my housekeeping skills!


I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, 2013 is our year everyone!

Square One...Initiate!

Well, after almost 11 months of getting to know my IP's, meeting several times, we were finally getting closer to our transfer.

Excitement had started to burst through me, and as each month passed, I scratched a big number off of the calendar to continue the countdown to when their little babies would make a nice warm cozy home in my uterus for 9 months.

Unfortunatley, fate had other concerns.

I say unfortunately, but it was also a wonderful opportunity all in one.

My IM was offered a fully paid university course to improve her skills in her field. This woudl take a full year, and it would mean putting the surrogacy off another 14 months, which was 20 months after I'd be ready. We all decided that in the best interest of everyone, that I would go on to do another surrogacy before working with them. Which meant many things, she can study and concentrate on her work and studies, and I would need to start from square one again to find new Intended Parents.

There is so much emotion as I type this update and it's already been awhile since it's happened. Needless to say, I am VERY happy that she is being given the opportunity to further her career! I am also very sad that we both have to move on for the time being. I felt so comfortable with them, and felt that they were a perfect match for me! They were also very close, which is something that I may not find again.

They also wanted to wait awhile before getting to transfer, which was VERY important to me, as I obviously have trust issues at this point in the game. Very few IP's are willing to wait more than a couple months to transfer with their surrogate, but for me, it feels as though I NEED that time to get to know someone in order to trust again. Having our son in August was a great healing experience, but it wasn't everything I needed, and I do need to know that my IP's will be there for me 100% of the way, which is what I felt with my IP's.

Having to start over again is a bit heart breaking, but I have to remember that God has a plan here, and there is a reason for it. Maybe it is because I am supposed to help someone first. Maybe it is because this time in THEIR life is important and should come second to surrogacy. There are so many possibilities.

I just hope that it truly is for the best and that God's plan will soon reveal itself!

Slow Beginning Equal...Happy Endings

I keep saying how slow things are going and how crazy I'm going haha

We have a lawyer so far, and I'm thinking that at least that's done. I'm excited for that, maybe we can start on contracts in about 9 months...I hope sooner though, I want it completely out of the way before we even go to the clinic for a consult, since the clinic won't touch me until that's all done.

Speaking of Clinics, we will be using Create in Moncton, which is only 3  hours away, and that will make life a LOT easier. It means that my testing, screening, and transfer will be done in one day intervals, and I won't have to travel too far away and I won't have to be out of town for long at a time.

YAY!

I know it's slow progress. But it's something. Our other option was the clinic in Halifax, who apparently will not be bothered with surrogacy at all, which I found sad. I was surprised that a SMALLER clinic would do it, seeing as how Halifax has one of the country's LEADING fertility clinics. It really is a shame.

I spoke to  my IP's about termination, and I was so relieved to find out that we're all on the same page. It really can be a deal breaker when one party isn't comfortable with the other's decisions, you have to go into a surrogacy knowing that ANYTHING can happen, you could potentially put two embryos in, and both split and you end up with quads. You could potentially have a baby who will not make it to term. You could potentially have a LOT of problems, and you need to be okay with what you've agreed to.

We also agreed on bedrest. I'm so glad that they realize that if I go on bedrest, I intend to follow it this time, and I want to keep that pregnancy going for as long as my Dr sees fit. I want to give that baby/those babies the BEST chance of life. Remember back with my first surrogacy, lifting my son would make me scream out in pain, and I didn't have the choice because I had ZERO help. Not this time. This time if I need bedrestI know they will be here for me, or they will ensure that we keep that pregnancy going by another means (ie hired help). It's so important that they understand that I also have to ensure MY children are cared for, as well as theirs.

Another important conversation we had, was if they were comfortable with me pumping for them. They were surprised that I would offer, but after taking care of a baby for 9 months, and then giving birth, I still want that baby to get nothing but the BEST. For me, that means breastmilk. I'm so glad tha they are open minded enough to accept my offer to pump, and if they'll continue to support it, I'll go for 3 months. Long term, it could save them a lot of money, and those little bellies will get lots of natural goodness!

So far, I'm completely satisfied with everything that we've agreed on and spoken about, we seem to be 100% on the same page and it'll make doing contracts that much easier! I'm so excited! About 14 months left now, it's starting to come together little by little.

I also have an update on Egg Donation. I was contacted and looks like I will be able to qualify to donate my eggs to someone! I'm so excited! I will have to be away for about 5 days, but that's nothing in comparison to how I'll be helping someone. I'm just so excited to be helping! I have to wait for another 10 months or so though as I can't be breastfeeding when I donate due to the chemicals, and because prolactin prevents good ovulation. So as soon as Evan weans I'll be good to go!


As a side note, I am looking into getting my kiddos these for Christmas, and thinking of getting the twins a set as well! They're just too cute! I love the owl hats!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Custom-Creations-by-Kayla/333140266781982

She is a friend of mine, and I told her that I'd share on my blog. She is amazing and she's so fast and the prices are AMAZING! Feel free to like her page, and to contact her for a hat/bunting bag etc. She's also thinking of expanding her line to include goodies for mommies, I can't wait to see what she comes up with next, she's so talented and I'm hoping that she can take a passion for a hobby and turn it into a small home business.

I hope everyone had a great September...BUT OCTOBER MEANS BIG DEALS ON CANDIES FOR MOMMIES TO EAT. haha
 

Clinic Availability

I'm thinking that I should have UNavailability.

Yes, there are apparently some clinics who won't work with you if you are embarking on a surrogacy journey, right now my biggest fear is that my couple will back out when/if we can't use a clinic nearby. I contacted BOTH possible clinics that my Intended Parents are willing to work with, and so far, I've heard one of them won't work with  us, but I won't give up until I get an email back from them stating this.

I found a lawyer willing to work with us, and is within 20 ish minutes from my Intended Parents' house, so I'm excited about that at least.

Absolutely nothing else has started though, I've done all of this on my own, 14 months really isn't that much time when you think about everything that I'll be doing in the next few months to have it all done, I want contracts completely done in 12 months at the most, I dont' want to be doing contracts and finalizing it the morning I do the transfer.

Most people get stressed by everything they're doing, I'm the opposite, I'm stressed out by what has yet to be done, which really is a lot. No one has had testing. There has been no referral to any fertility clinic, we don't even know what clinic we'll be using. We don't know what Dr will be over seeing the procedures. We don't even know if we should be looking for an egg donor or if my Intended Mother can use her eggs, and finding an egg donor ALONE can easily take 6 months, probably longer in our area.

There is so much to be done, and most of it, I can't do on my own.

Understandably though, they have their wedding in about 9 months, but everything for that, as far as I know, is booked, and scheduled and now they're just waiting for the date to come. If we wait until then to get a mov eon though, there won't be enough time, there will only be about 4.5 months until we would need to start medication, even for the best of people, 4.5 months is cutting it close when you don't even know wh at clinic you're using.

I am trying not to stress out, but the next nearest clinic is 13 hours away. That's a big difference, we were going to use the clinic in my Intended Parents' city, so it's 10 hours from them in stead of 20 minutes, and I don't know if they're willing to travel not only them, but me, that far, and we'll need to be there for a few days before transfer etc. It would change almost everything. Muuch bigger ordeal.