15 WEEKS! WOOHOO!!

At the realization that I may actually be done half of this pregnancy, I came to a stop... holy cow... I could be half done already.  *shock follows*  And then I quickly looked down, and realized that... I'm not nearly done half growing haha

A lot of people ask me if I'm afraid to get attached.  The reality of surrogacy, is that, of course I'm going to get attached!  These babies are growing inside me, wiggling and breathing in my amniotic fluid.  I get people who say "Oh, I would fall in love with that baby too easily!" Of course as surrogates we love these babies, and we are proud to give them amazing parents!  I don't know a surrogate who doesn't love that child that they hand over... but it's a different kind of love.  When you are carrying your own baby, you think of baby names, you buy little clothing, you imagine the first car ride home, it's magical.  Surrogacy... is so much more than that.  We grow these tiny babies, for a family [I don't mean just a couple, that child will have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins... it effects more than the parent... it effects their entire families!].  How wonderful is it to give birth, and be able to see those first moments with their parents?  It will be absolutely amazing.  I'm not sure if any of you have been in that delivery room with a friend or relative... but I've seen it... it's absolute magic.  It makes everything so worth it!

When speaking to other surrogates who have gone through the birthing process, they said to me "It wasn't like my own children, when the baby met their family... it's like that's where they belonged all along."  I know it's hard to understand, but with surrogacy, you don't do all the preparing, rushing around.  You get to enjoy the pregnancy for what it is - a pregnancy.  I loved being pregnant, loved birthing... but helllll no I'm not having more kids LOL

Anyway, here are my 15 weeks pictures, hope you all enjoy!

Well... we don't see the feetsies anymore unless I bend over to purposely see them lol  I can see them when I walk, every time I take the time to look down when I walk, I reintroduce myself... and then usually run into somethiing bahahaha

I have no fricken clue how to do those crazy picture slides on youtube yet, but I'm crazy about trying to get one together, if anyone could do it for me or something... you could easily compare me to a 60 year old... I'm surprised I figured the blog thing out... it took awhile to figure out the picture thing though... still working on making these things fancier for you all. 

Don't forget that if you want to know anything... just ask.  You won't know until you ask, if I don't have the answers for you... I'll find them, interview random people on the street for all I care. [Just kidding, but I probably would do that].

I don't know how many other surrogates actually follow me, but I have found in the last few days, that people are quite amazed by surrogacy. lol.  I went into the small corner store and the lady behind the counter asked me if I lost weight.  I said "Kind of, but I'm carrying twins everywhere, so that would wear me down a bit!" She thought I was kidding... seriously.  Then I showed her the belly.  She believed me.  Then I told her they weren't mine! I was just carrying them for someone else!  She laughed again, and honestly thought I was "pulling her leg".  She asked me the normal questions, about money, and heard you could make quite a bit.  I said the usual "Yeah, if you're in it for the money, you could make a small fortune."  I hate how everyone always jumps to the conclusion that I'm in it for the money.  Seriously folks, I only asked for my immediate pregnancy expenses to be paid for, honest to God.  You can ask my IP's... money is NOT what I'm in this for, and if you think I am, you got it alll twisted.

I also went out in a blizzard [walked] for snacks tonight and ran into an old acquaintance that I was pregnant with for my daughter.  We used to be super close in middle school, she was my next door neighbor, we lived out in the sticks.  Aaaanyway, she was at the gas station I walked to, and of course, she was also shocked, brought up the money thing. In the end she had me undo my coat, undo my sweater and she actually felt my belly lol  People REALLY don't believe me! Honest to goodness!  When I left, she probably STILL doubted it haha 

I don't publicize it much to be honest, and when I found out I was pregnant, I didn't call family or friends.  I called 2 friends... that's it lol  So even though I live in a verry small town... pretty much everyone is shocked, and there are stilll family members who haven't heard.  They aren't mine, and I think that it's for the parents to do all the spreading around. 

Anyway, it's like... past 2am, but we had a movie night and as usual, I got carried away haha

Thank you all for following, and I reeeeaaaalllly do appreciate it everyone.

Leave comments below, I love them haha

-Cathleen

YouTube Blog From Another Surrogate

So, I had a few people ask me for the links to the blog that I was talking about a few blogs ago, and after getting her permission to put this out there, I got the links for you guys, so here they are.

Her Youtube Channel's address is http://www.youtube.com/user/meredegaby And she has two blogs, the first one is clearly labelled "Surrogacy"

Her blogspot blog is also on here, and she is a follower of mine if you want to go see that way, but here is the link http://mydearbabybean.blogspot.com/

They are both amazing and touching blogs, and encourage everyone to go through them, the endings are always sooo emotional for me, no matter how many times I look them over, i cry everytime!

Today we are 14 weeks 6 days!  Almost half way!

Enjoy!

-Cathleen

14.5 Weeks

hey everyone, I had a picture taken yesterday [14.5 weeks] so I'll post it real quick :P  I'm starting to look more and more pregnant and less and less fat LOL

Sorry, I know it's dark... my living room doesn't have lights, so it's ALWAYS dark!  GRR!

Hope you enjoy, and will have a new update/blog in 2 more days [Saturday] for the update for 15 weeks! Holy hell.. 15 weeks! That's very nearly half way done!

-Cathleen

Day 3

Well, My kids and I are never sick... sometimes we feel under the weather, but never actually... sick.  Well, we're sick now! lol  Today is day three, last night was Night 3 of being sick for me and the kids, which means that no one got any sleep again last night!  When I say parenting is worth every struggle...  I forgot to mention that that only applies when they aren't SICK LOL 

My 9.5 month old is very close to have no voice left now, and I can barely hear him cry now.  Everyone needs a good old nap every day [not that it's easy to convince everyone to do so] and hopefully we will all get better soon!  Everyone is ordered extra naps... except mommy... since a mommy's job is never really done.  All of their sheets, clothes... everything need to be disinfected and washed to kill all the germs, but of course, that only helps after we're all better to prevent it from coming back!

DD is havinig a hard time sitting still, so that makes her cough worse.  Gabey is in fairly good spirits despite being sick, he's my trooper!  Lexi is... stubborn by nature, and apparently being sick only makes it worse.  I feel bad for putting her on time out when we're all so sick, but if you've ever had a toddler, letting them get away with it is even worse!  So, it's 945am, 2 time outs so far, and many threats of more, I honestly just don't have the energy or will power right now to keep picking her up... kicking and screaming... and put her in her room haha 

I can't wait for the Spring to be here!  Only a few months left, and by the end of April, the snow will start to melt and we can all go walking and enjoying the weather and hopefully start enjoying ourselves more! 

I don't know many people who ENJOY winter... but i'm a definite protester of winter and all the colds, coughs, aches, pains and falls that come with it!  I've been lucky so far this pregnancy, I haven't had any falls yet, but with my belly growing, it has become more and more difficult to get over the ice!  I was pregnant this time of year last year as well, just a lot further along at this point as I was due in May.  I was at the beginning of my third trimester last year at this time, so hopefully I'm not as big as I was in April and we'll all be okay! lol 

Sorry, I'm just rambling from being so tired, combined sleep for 3 nights is at about 6-8 hours, but it's really hard to say since there were countless runs to DD's room for water and tylenol, countless diaper changes and cuddling time and bottle with the baby.  Feels like I've been up for three days straight, but I definitely got a couple hours in per night!

I took a picture of myself to show that I really am staring to feel the effects of this surrogacy and being sick, picked a horrible time of year to be in the second trimester, but at least I don't have to worry about going into labor during a snow storm!  There are actually certain months I will not try to get pregnant just because here, we get a LOT of snow... and it's common to have 1-2 days a week where we can't get out of the house and driving it just unsafe, so I would hate to have IP's from a warmer place have to travel in this to get here during labor!  Imagine! haha

Okay, I'll stop! LOL

-Cathleen

Bawling My Eyes Out

Yes.... Yes I am. 

A friend of mine [who had her surrodaughter just a couple days after I had my son] told me that she vlogged on youtube for HER surrogacy, and tonight, I decided to take the time to go see it!

The first few were kind of what I expected, although, she has WAY more followers and WAY more views haha *tint of jealousy*

So, it honestly took a few hours to get through them all, and then the part I was waiting for... the Labor and Delivery [Part 1 AND 2 were amazing Angèle!].  From about 2 minutes in... I bawled.  It was so motivating, and so touching to see her facial expressions and all the passion behind every second.  She was SO detailed in everything and I just cried! 

There was about 19 minutes to complete the birth story... and I definitely cried for 17 minutes of it and then cried afterward! 

This is what surrogacy is about. 

This is why we do it.

This is why we put ourselves through SO MUCH to give these people children.

Like she said, in that delivery room, it comes full circle.  

It's all over.

You've completed a family.

You've touched the lives of each parent, each child and all of their family and friends forever. 


I later had to vlog to express all of the feelings I was having, and I realized that i hadn't vlogged my tiny belly bump yet! So I did that as well.  I was crying through some of it, I will admit... but it was overly touching.  It makes every discomfort, every pill I need to take [and... there are a lot haha] every blood test... it's all so worth it.

We are 14w2d in a few minutes... and we could potentially have these babies out in 20 weeks now... I can't believe it sometimes, and in a way, I'm trying to hold on and enjoy it all because I know that it won't last forever, and I will regret ever wanting it to end!

Thank you's and praises go out to everyone who has EVER been a surrogate... you've paved the way for the rest of us, and I look up to and admire you all.  You are true miracle workers, and I hope and pray that my IP's will handle everything as well as yours seem to have!

Cathleen

14 week pictures!

I apologize again for the incorrect date lol  My camera jumps alllll over the place allll the time.  Stupid thing. 

Will try to fix it for the next pictures though!

Cathleen <3

Second OBS Appointment

Okay... so today hasn't been the best so far lol

I left here by cab to go up to the hospital for the appointment.  Got there 45 minutes late first of all lol  Then registration was a NIGHTMARE!  Waited over a half hour to be registered, even though I was only 16 numbers away... everyone was so slow, didn't have their information... didn't know what doctor they were going to see etc. 

To start with, I forgot my camera in the back seat of the cab I was in [cab #4, I'm glad I remembered this as it narrowed it down a great bit and it made it easier to track down!]

Then I waited at obs for over 2 hours just to see the nurse.

Weight : 110, same as last week.
Blood Pressure : 110/50, a little low, but that's okay
Heart Rate : 120 at rest... not exactly great... but at least it hasn't really gone UP
Review of progress in Pregnancy : 13 weeks and 6 days

Then I waited another hour to see the doctor.  In the mean time, I bought an orange juice and chicken salad sandwich as I was nearly falling asleep and needed to at least go for a walk before I fell asleep sitting up!  The OBS was also cramped today, so everything went sooo slooowww.

FINALLY go in to see the doctor, he reviewed my chart, 12 lbs gained, hoping to see at least a couple lbs being put on at the next appointment. 

Checked cervix, as it is common with multiples to have problems early on, and wanted to see if we would have any soon... cervix is still very closed and hard and long - perfect!

Uterus was just above my belly button after I peed, he said about where it would at 21-22 weeks with a singleton, so we're growing great. haha.  So next was to check the heart beats, which is always my favorite part... but I was a little tense today as sometimes when you miscarry before 12 weeks, the body simply reabsorbs the baby, and you have to signs or symptoms of a miscarriage.  This is especially true for twins and triplets, and it can be very devastating!

I haven't really gotten my hopes up to make it past the second trimester with both babies ... I wanted to be sure of myself and wait until I HEARD them both. 

The doctor started at the top of the uterus and for awhile I held my breath.  Were they both okay?  Why couldn't he find them if I was growing so fast?  Could something have happened? Were there symptoms I passed up as normal... but weren't?  Those 3 minutes felt like an eternity.

He picked my heart beat up... which is fast anyway, about 120... but with the stress and anticipation, it was up to 132 lol  At first he thought it was a baby, but then I reassured him that it was only my heart rate escalating at the tension.

It didn't help that I couldn't even record it, and even though we had all expected to be skyping this moment, the hospital's internet was down for the day due to construction being done.  I was intensely sad, and I was a bit mad at myself for forgetting such a valuable part of the day in the backseat of a cab.  I felt as though it was definitely my fault, and that I should have had it... I was so mad at myself.  All of this ran through my mind as I thought of the worst case scenerio... something has happened to these babies... and I was thinking about my camera?!  I was now on the verge of crying.

And then... something unexpected happened.  He found a heart beat!!  170 and strong!  It sang out to me and I sighed with relief... at least one baby made it.  I asked him if he could find both, but he said it could take until 16-20 weeks to find both since they're still small [about 3.5 inches each and weighing just over an ounce] and move around, and usually, one tends to grow on top of the other.  I kind of worried then, and wondered when we would know if the other one survived.

We knew so far that Baby B was alive and strong!  He/She even kicked the doppler and the doctor was kind of taken by surprise, but I wasn't. lol. 

He tilted it a bit when Baby B moved, but he caught it quickly.  Then he tilted it again to get a better sound, and he found the second one only about 2 inches over to the right!  Baby A was there!!  He/She had made it!  They were both there!  What a relief!  Baby A was at a strong 160.  At this point, I'm sure my smile was so big that it took up most of my face.  I haven't ever felt that kind of relief before!

The appointment to this point felt like a definite hour or two.. but it had only been 25 minutes.

We also went over all the symptoms I've been having on my thyroid medication [so far, increased nausea, sore joints, tiredness and headaches] and he brought up that I was definitely not my cheerful self, and he started to ask me questions about how I've been feeling... more stressed or sad lately.  I realized that I was, but just attributed it to being tired and so far behind on chores.  I've never really stressed about chores to be honest... and I realized that I have even b een crying over unfolded laundry!  There was a symptom that I had missed... depression.  This is one of the most common side effects, and he doesn't think I've reached that far yet, but they have me on close watch.  I was really grateful that he picked it up, cared enough to realize.  I was shocked... but in a way, I felt relieved that I wasn't going crazy, that being sad isn't my fault... it's the medication that is keeping me alive.

I'm not sure if anyone out there has dealt with depression during pregnancy.  I will be talking more about it at my next appointment, but now that it's been pointed out, at least I know that I have to watch myself, watch my activities and start to enjoy this pregnancy more.  He told me to go out more often [when possible] so I'm going to have to wait at least two weeks and see if I can even afford that or now.  I'm not sure how I can make some money from home... I thought about babysitting, but I think I have more than I can handle some days with my own two children.

Any suggestions are more than welcome!

I could stand on the corner with a sign and a pot for change.. but it's just tooo cold out there LOL  I can see it now "Money for poor single surrogate who has two children and attempting to bake two!" 

My IM is sending me my first maternity shirt, should be here by the end of next week, hate waiting though. It says "I love my bump" I will have to post pictures of course.  Now i need pants lol  I wore my jeans today... but I felt like I couldn't breathe all day, so won't be doing that again!

Next OBS is March 11th at 1030 am.  Won't be much to report before then, although he said if I feel like I need to be checked out before then, just to call and make an earlier appointment. He wanted to put it in two weeks, but he realized that he won't be in that day, so he put it for 3.  He said after that appointment though, he's prefer to see me every 2 weeks, which is fine.  I'll be 16w6d at my next appointment, so hoping for an ultrasound maybe, and we'll be able to tell the sexes of the babies!  How exciting is that?!  He hinted that he wanted an ultrasound soon since we have detected both heartbeats.

I'm anxious to see them again and send their parents more pictures.  It makes me a bit sad that I won't have any in utero pictures of the surrobabies... I wish I had one to put on my fridge to remember why I eat the way I eat, sleep the way I sleep and live life the way I do.  Maybe he'll print off an extra picture for me next time :)

That's all there is really, but if I left anything out, don't be shy to ask in the comments and I'll blog with all the answers.  I'm also going to do a video blog tonight on youtube, I forgot to do one for 13 weeks, and havent' received any questions.  There wasn't a whole lot to report anyway, but I will take a shot a my belly in the video, and answer questions, so I'll post a thing on my wall on facebook today [yes, it's back open... a friend of mine couldn't get a hold of me, and it worried us both to be apart haha] and wait for questions under that as comments. 

Thank you for following, and I do appreciate all the readers... it makes me feel special to be honest.  I'll give you all the link to the youtube videos, there are only two from 12 weeks so far though!

Here's the link to the 1st vlog : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-X366cBTNY&feature=related

Here's the link to the 2nd vlog : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzDGID-bq7A&feature=related

Follow me there too!!

Thank you everyone, and I hope that I have helped answer questions and hopefully inspired some of you to look into surrogacy, either as an Intended Parent or a Surrogate... I have some cute shirts that I am looking to buy for myself during this pregnancy, and I will post some pictures tomorrow and get some votes on them!!!

<3 Cathleen