Touching Adoption Story!

I had to share this with you because it is surrogacy related in the sense that another woman, brought this couple, a child, even if it wasn't under the best circumstances.

http://www.godvine.com/Powerful-Story-of-a-Woman-Who-was-Aborted-but-Survived-72.html

It's a bit long, but it was so touching, I didn't realize it was really that long at all!!

OPINIONS PLEASE!!

Hey everyone!

Okay, I know that I haven't been blogging lately.. nearly enough.  I've had... so many personal problems come up this week and my world has been turned upside down to say the LEAST!  haha   Okay, so it's all over now, and the last two weeks ahve been CHAOOSSS.  Britney Spears thinks SHE has it bad.. my gosh don't go there lol 

Okay, so.  My IP's and I are getting ready for the birth of the babies [not to actually go and HAVE them, but talking about the specifics now]. 

We agreed on the dynamics of it all, which was great.  No biggie.

The thing we aren't sure of yet, is this.  I'm an open person, I'm a free spirited Canadian.  They are private English folk [for the most part... you know... besides getting a free spirited Canadian knocked up LOL]. 

I, of course, want to film the labor bit at least to share [no faces of them or their voices or anything like that, I know they wouldn't do that, being English and.. private folk is what I called it above I think].  I thought for sure, I'd be able to do that with all of my surrogacies, afterall, that's the part where my body is in full force, and to me, it's just labor, it's all natural, but I wanted to share it really bad!!  The birth part I knew we would have to talk about.  That's a given.  I wanted the medical side to it all, more of an educational and inspirational type of video, again, no faces of the nurses, doctors or them. 

So... I have now found myself in a position where I guess I wasn't clear enough in the beginning again lol  I thought the confidentiality claus in our agreement kind of covered all of this, and as long as they were kept out of it, and their babies too of course, I would be okay. 

We live in different parts of the world, have different experiences etc.  I wanted to do this for MY own labors as well.. and nothing was set up, both times it was "OMFG" moments. With my first, we were in to get an IV put in to be induced the next morning, they checked me to see if I needed anything to efface, and I was 6cm dilated, they had to keep me.  I had no hospital bag, hubby didn't have his bag... we had ... nothing with us. lol  We were both told we should stay, I was told they couldn't release me.  With my second, I had my hospital bag with me at a friends house when my water broke!  I thought I would have time to go home get changed etc, but again, with my fast labors... wasn't happening when I arrived the nurse told hubby right away, if you leave, you could miss it all.  So, again it was a shock, his boss had driven him from WORK to meet me hahaha

So, this will be the first time that I have the opportunity to film it as well. 

They are not sure if they would be comfortable with any of it... not even the labor part.  So, now we're at ends a bit, and trying to settle this.  She already posted something on her blog asking opinions, and I thought it was FINALLY my turn to do it too!  So, for or against, I want your opinions on the subject, to help us all decide what to do. 

Again, I never thought this would come up, a lot of people asked me "didn't you discuss this already", I just figured I had my blogs, they agreed that my youtube blogs were a good idea, they knew how much I shared with you all etc and I honestly figured they knew just how open I was...I read the contract the confidentiality claus, I honestly and truly never even thought this would be an issue!  haha 

Leave your comments, I'm open to both sides, I wouldn't ask if I wasn't :P  I always get mixed comments, which is fine, it's good and I'm glad everyone has an opinion. 

The only thing III don't want is "Why the heck would you put that on the internet?!" or "You're crazy" I want honest full opinions and explanations so I know where you are coming from.  There aren't too many surrogates who are comfortable with posting their labors and births, there are even less who have twins and post it.  I am sharing my pregnancy with you, and I want to share the birth and everything that comes afterwards as well. 

Soo... let me have it!!

-Cathleen

- PS -

17.5 weeks

always concentrate too much lol

3rd OBS/17 Weeks

Well, I'm not going to lie.  The last week has been... hectic, overwhelming and stressful.  HOWEVER, I've learned to organize myself, cope better and find myself a bit as well, so I think it evens out.

My fiance moved out March 3rd.  For those who know me... I keep to myself a lot.  I don't honestly have friends who come over for play dates, and I don't go out for playdates.  I don't have suppers, and don't get invited to them.  My first little bit of excitement, is a birthday party for a 4 year old this weekend.  What the heck do you buy a 4 year old? lol  I knew one day, I would have birthday parties, it comes with the mommy status.  What I DIDN'T do.. is my research on age appropriate gifts. 

Today, I had a welfare representative... pop by... at 930am.  Wonder if he noticed my bralessness? haha  I felt at the time, that it was definitely an invasion of privacy for sure... and I was upset.  However... how could I have prepared any differently other than cleaning my darn house?  I was still the same person I would have been, I had the same explanation and information I would have had.  My children were both fed, clothed and fairly happy.  Sometimes, we need to just say "oh well!" and move on.  I'm trying to do that more often.  I think we all should.

Okay.  So, our OBS was FIRST on the dock, but I like to show you guys a window into my personal life.  I'm not just a surrogate, I am a mommy and a person as well.  I have struggles just like you all, and I hope that my bluntness doesn't put anyone off... this is what you get sometimes, just me. 

The date of our OBS was March 11th.  As all appointments, I got my stats, but it started off with me explaining my situation to my nurse, who is also my ... well... Josh's cousin through marriage.  She knows how young we were, but didn't now about the ADHD or him not being medicated as a child.  I explained that to her, and that, we are trying to work on things, slowly, and effectively, in order to build an adult relationship that started from friendship as teenagers. 

Here are the stats
Weight: 111.5 - 2 lbs lost in a week
Blood Pressure: 110/60 -my regular blood pressure
Pulse: scattered.  It was taken, at 146 beats per minute and then five minutes later, 102 beats per minute.  Just my thyroid trying to even things out.

Blood Test Results
Previous Thyroid Count: 30
Current Thyroid Count: 15

This all means... a lot.  Start with weight gain.  It's certainly not great.  We won't worry until our next appointment though.  No reason to worry, if there is nothing to worry about yet :)  We were 16w6d, and it wasn't necessary to gain a whole lot anyway yet.  The only concern he has is that with my thyroid slowing DOWN, my metabolism should be as well ... making it hard to NOT gain weight now. 

Blood test results, mean that I went from being in a very dangerous place, to now being considered safe.  That means... so much.  I am down to 1 tapazole 5mg a day, which also means I can slow down on my morning sickness pills since I will suffer less side effects.  It also means, that we are trying to keep it controlled, not bringing those levels down anymore.  It also means, that they don't have to up my dosage, which means less side effects or chances for long term side effects.  This is great.

He did the doppler thing, which is always exciting.  He couldn't find Baby B though, and I think he was honestly very concerned [he told me later that he was a little concerned, but the way he rushed me to the ultrasound machine... he was a bit more than a little concerned I think haha].  So, yes, we got an ultrasound.  Which is good.  I was pleased to be honest.  With twins, a lot of the time, you do need an ultrasound to get the heartbeats because there is a whole lot of extras in there.  Baby A, on teh bottom, and head down [for now] had a healthy heartbeat of 180.  Baby B, much higher up, and still transverse, had a lovely heartbeat of 140.  They let me take a video for the parents, they were very pleased to see them!  We didn't get pictures though, as the quality was low, and he couldn't measure them for the same reason.

I have a time for our 20 week ultrasound.  March 29th, 2011 at 12:45 Atlantic time.  So very exciting.

SECOND PART

Holy crap, we made it to 17 weeks, with both babies healthy and still growing.  I feel... huge, and I'm not. lol I'm just "big" for 17 weeks.  Wanna see? If you don't... I'm sorry... I like to share haha

I always apologize for my camera... I do keep setting it, honestly, but it seems to have a mind of it's own!  I also realize that I keep changing the way I'm facing lol  That's not very helpful I'm sure LOL  I'm going to start taking them all facing the dor way, sorry about that, I never realize it when I'm doing it, I usualy take them super fast. 

I know this has been a long post, and I have more to talk about and to ask you all about, so I'll make another post tomorrow maybe?  I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post... I know that I wanted to keep posting as often as I had something to talk about, but I'm sure you all can understand how deep I am in my own stuff rigth now.  Thank you to everyone who is supporting me through messages and just checking in.  It means a LOT to me.  You have no idea.

I have a quote here for you all though, I hope you like it.

          «Our true wealth is the good we do in this world. None of us has faith unless we desire for our neighbors what we desire for ...ourselves.» — Mohammed

I think we all strive to be better people, to improve on our past mistakes.  I don't doubt that.  Every day, we can make a difference, in our lives, our children's lives and our neighbor's lives.  A simple gester of thanks, friendship, love or appreciation can change someone's day.  Just remembering to say thank you to everyone, makes a difference.  I was  hospitalized during my last pregnancy, and one day, the janitor came in, and asked if I would like to have my floors washed.  I said yes, it would be great, and before he left, I said "Excuse me.." and he thought he missed a place.  I continued at the puzzle I seen forming on his face, "Thank you, I really like getting out of bed to a clean floor." He told me that not many people thanked him, that it was just his job.  Sometimes we forget to appreciate the little things in life.  Even if it's just a snow removal man, a janitor, a social services worker... without these people, we would be lost.  They do the jobs that no one else wants to do.  They deal with the hardest jobs there is, the least appreciated jobs.  Josh works in an old folks home... and I know he has rough days, he's come home and asked to not change diapers that day.. he had just been up all night doing so.  He comes home GLOWING when a family member thanks him, or the patients thank him.  Please remember that, I know we can get rushed, and we just forget.  Let's all try to take a few moments, because that's all it takes, to stop, and thank someone for what they do for us, or the people we love. 

Thank you all for reading these, Lent just started for those who are religious.  Lent is personal, it is a personal sacrifice me make.  Most people give up fast food, junk food... I've decided a few years ago, that instead, I would make a point to be more proactive.  More specifically, I would do things around the house that I would not normally do daily, but would improve our lives.  I'm not extremely religious, I do pray before bed if I don't pass out as soon as I get in bed, for those who aren't... it is a choice, just like everything else,  but I feel safer, believing in something greater than us.  If there is no heaven, and it IS all a big scam from the Catholic Church, I have improved my own life, and the lives around me through the belief that there is something beyond this life.  We are on this planet for a limited time, why not have faith in something that makes me feel safe, encourages me to help others... right? 

I hope you all have a great day/night. 

Follow me if you aren't already, it's an ego boost haha

-Cathleen

ULTRASOUND!

YES!

We have our ultrasound date AND time now for the anatomy [allll sorts of anatomy parts... like the little weenies...or.....buns? lol] scan!

Soooooo... we get to see the twins again March 29th, 2011 at 12:45pm Atlantic Canada Time!  For those of you who know me, yes, that's 4:45pm for my IP's... hopefully I don't ruin their supper by telling them there's a third baby in there.... JUST KIDDING... that would not be good lol 

We are also 16.5 weeks.  I always say there are no new symptoms... but sometimes, I forget the little things that I just expect to happen.

I've had a very achy pelvic bone for the last couple weeks.  I know it's just from growing so fast with two babies in there though.  I only really notice if I'm actually walking, like outside.  When I'm outside, I tend to take bigger strides... it reminds me that I have more of a waddle now, and to start to embrace it.

My ribs are starting to ache too... so it's all the normal aches and pains, and I'menjoying every single second!  Someone once complained about me in their facebook status, and it kind of opened my eyes.  When my morning sickness was really bad, were it was 5-10 times a day where I was puking, yes, I complained.  It HURT to dry heave that much, I was weak from not being able to eat and my house.... I couldn't do anything.  Seriously... anything.  I couldn't even switch my wet clothes into my dryer because just the moving exhausted me from not being able to eat... so yes... I 4 times complained.  I was upset that she was complaining about me to be honest... but what she said hit me later.  I don't have the quote, it was months ago now, but it was something along the lines of 

   "Don't complain about something that someone else wishes they could experience, especially when they have to read it every day when you get to do something that they can not."

I actually removed them from my facebook that day.  But... as time wore on, I realized that I shouldn't be complaining.  I am allowing someone else to be a mother... I am doing something that some women can't... they only wish they could experience the heart burn, swelling, sickness, aches and pains that some of us take for granted.  I will admit though... I WILL complain.  Sorry.  You'll all have to accept that pregnancy is not easy, no matter how much someone can love being pregnant... it's hard... a twin pregnancy... people think it's harder near the end, but that it's normal before that... they're wrong.  It is tough from day 1.  You are more sick, you grow like crazy, which creates more aches and pains, more  hormones, so more mood swings.. it IS crazy. 

I DID sign up for this.  However, everyone who has a job has signed up for that job, and I hear people complaining about their job all the time.  People sign up for their marriages, people still complain about that.  People sign up for children, and my gosh, not a day goes by that I don't see at least 10 people on my facebook home page who complain about being a parent.  We allll need to vent.  We alll have things to complain about when we have a rough day.  Parenthood and life in itself is not easy. 

That being said, I love this pregnancy.  I love the fact that i am able to be pregnant... with TWINS ... and not have to bring these babies home.  I MAY get stretch marks.  I MAY be miserable at some point.  But I LOVE LOVE LOVE having this opportunity!  These babies are kicking and squirming and breathing in my tummy, how AMAZING is that?  Yep... they make my boobs hurt.  They may my sex drive.... disappear.  They make sure that I have no pants that fit.  They make me moody, and even short tempered sometimes.  I love these babies, and I am SO glad they are there!  I am SO glad that I can help people go from being a couple... to being a FAMILY.  How many people can say they completed a family?  That's... truly amazing. 

I also heard another quote today.  It is completely true, but it touched me, because when I thought about it, I seen myself.

      "When you become a mother, you stop being the picture, and start being the frame."

For anyone who has experienced parenthood... you know this is what is supposed to happen.  We are supposed to take care of our children.  We are supposed to get up every morning, make them breakfast, send them to school, do their laundry, clean their dishes, bug them to clean their room, kiss them every day and NEVER forget to tell them how much we love them to pieces.  This job is... amazing, stressful, overwhelming, and soo rewarding.  We even get promotions... we got from "Mom" to "Grandma".  When people say that stay at home moms don't work, remember something, we work all day long and all night long.  We don't get "days off".  We don't get "vacation time". We don't even get PAID. 

We do all need to vent.  We all need people to confide in... we don't want to be judged for having a bad day.  I would love for one person on this Earth to tell me they have NEVER had a bad day.  No one was born from the virgin Mary.  No one is God's child... no one is perfect.  We learn as we go.  That's all we can do is learn, we stumble, and sometimes fall.  We need to then pick ourselves up, clean the cuts, and learn that next time, you won't trip over that obstacle.  Sometimes each obstacle takes a few times where we need to fall down and scrape our knees. 

I want to thank everyone who reads these... some of my blogs have messages... some have updates.. some have rambles of a pregnancy hormonal woman.  No matter what I  put up here, someone always reads it.  Thank you all for CARING or being NOSEY enough to read these.  I am trying to LEARN through this surrogacy and pregnancy.  I am just like anyone else, every experience is a lesson... I think that no matter where we are in life, it is so important to stop along the way, and learn something... you may never use that knowledge again [like... grade 12 physics... yeah... this momma may never use that stuff... lol], but it's there.  Thank you for following MY journey, MY lessons, MY hardships.  It helps to know that you are all with me, and I hope that you can all put up with me through the rest of this journey!

-Cathleen

Rest Of The Pictures!

always forget that flash.. as you can see, my camera is fast forwarding through time already lol stupid thing.

16 weeks! WOW!

welll....
we are now a whole month into our second trimester! only 3 more to go and we will be in our third trimester! Isn't it going by so fast?!

I only took one picture so far today, but I'm getting there, I swear haha I took one laying down for you all, and i definitely see a bigger difference in my laying down ones than the ones I take standing... my muscles are apparently getting a bit loose in there, will have tow ork out a bit in between these pregnancies so that I don't hang out as much next time hahahaha

When people are asking me how I feel, all I can say is... big.  I'm not THAT big yet... but... I'm getting there and starting to feel EVERY SINGLE ounce haha

For 16 weeks, each baby is now 6 inches long [WOW!] and weighs 4.5 ounces already!  They are getting soo big now!  By 20 wweeks, they will have reached about 10 inches, which I also find CRAZY haha

Believe or not, both of those picture depict 16 weeks!  So much of a difference already!  The next one I have for twins is at 20 weeks, so... only 4 more weeks until I can post it hahahahaha

I had to go in yesterday to see my doctor.

Everything is okay of course, but he thinks they my hypERthyroidism has changed into hypOthyroidism, which would mean that from going overactive .. it would now be underworking lol  Pregnancy induced thyroid problems are a bit unpredictable, so it could go either way as it pleases, which as you can all imagine, is quite annoying.  One week I'm running to the bathroom thanks to everything being at a high speed [including digestion] and the next week, I'm backed up! LOL 

They checked my weight and fundal height real quick, we're at 113.5 lbs, which is good, we're now at a weight gain of 15.5 lbs about, and she measured me at 26cm! HOLY SMOKERONIES!  That would be about right for 26 weeks with a singleton!  Boys oh boys! haha 

I also had some questions asked to me on facebook, and thought they were really good, so I'll answer them here for you all! 

1. What got you into being a surrogate?

Most people just say "to help people".  Yes, that's the biggest part of this.  I do this because I have family members who had a very hard time conceiving on their own, and after watching them as I grew up struggle, I became to understand that infertility isn't just for those who were much older, or those who had cancer.  It effects a LOT of people.  The struggles and pain that those people go through... it's so.. touching.  I hope my IP's don't mine me saying this, but they have been trying to have a baby for 10 years!  10 stinking years!  That's 120 cycles!  Can you imagine every month praying and hoping for 120 months?!  I know people who have tried for 48 cycles.. and have just about given up... 120!!  Imagine how emotional and happy they were when all of a sidden, after one cycle... they were suddenly expecting a baby!  Imagine their joy of holding these babies for the first time... after 120 months!  THAT is why I do this. 

2. How far between babies will you get pregnant for someone again? Like will you wait 6 months, a year, etc...

There is a surrogacy requirement to wit 6 months in between pregnancies, it doesn't matter if it is a natural or csection birth.  I do have concerns for someone's health who doesn't wait 12 months in between pregnancies with a csection though.  I think that it's just not enough time to heal if you expect to be pregnant again.  I will wait 6 months minimum after any natural birth, and 9-12 months after a csection.  I will need at least that much time to get my cycles going, feel comfortable enough to be pregnant again, and have my family alright again to do this.  Surrogacy journeys aren't just about healing enough to be pregnant again, but it always takes a toll on the surro family... it's a lot of hard work to make a baby for someone else, especially if they don't live close enough to be there to experience it with you.

3. Do you get paid to do it? And if you don't but someone offered to pay would you accept if say it was the right person?

Yes, most people get paid well do to this.  Most first time surrogates ask for a base fee [just for them to be pregnant] of $15k to $18k.  Yep. that's right!  That is before any other expenses like medical, travel, clothes or even food.  I won't put what I'm doing this for, but, I can say that it doesn't even cover the pregnancy expenses, but it does come close.  I'm not making any money off of this surrogacy.  Next time I will be a little more generous to myself, but I won't be asking anywhere near what a second time surrogate asks, I won't even be asking anywhere close to what a first time surrogate asks... I do get hurt when people assume I'm in this for the money though, for those who didn't know this, I'm not getting paid for this, none of the money I am receiving comes to me, it is just gong toward pregnancy expenses like travel, medications, meals at the hospital when I'm there for appointments and a little bit of my food.  That's it!

4. Is it hard knowing you're having a baby and it's not yours to keep when you leave the hospital?

I honestly feel like if anyone DOES feel like this after the birth... they should not become a surrogate again until they have seeked out some kind of counselling.  I do not see these babies as my own, I have nothing prepared for them, I don't even think about their needs after birth beyond pumping for them.  I am known as the "Auntie" and I will hopefully be a part of their lives, but I am quite done with having chidlren for myself.  I think that it will feel good to know that I helped someone achieve parenthood without having to torture MYSELF with the routin of getting up all the time in the night etc.  As a TS, these are GENETICALLY my babies, in my heart, they are my nieces/nephews.  I think that I will feel relief, and joy when I get to leave without them haha Of course, I will be sad for awhile that I can't see them all the time, but as long as their parents keep in contact, keep me a part of their lives... then I couldn't be happier!  I'll feel like I dodged a bullet hahahaha  You know when you're late... and you're like omg... I better not be pregnant.. I do NOT want a baby...and then you take a test, it's negative, and then your period starts and you think OMFG THANK GOD?  Yeah.. that'll be me after the papers are signed LOLMy 10 month old JUST started to sleep through the night... and I can not do that over again haha  It may be hard to understand, but from the MOMENT I seen "PREGNANT" on that test, I automatically texted my IM and was like "YOU'RE PREGNANT! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!".  I never even though, omg I'm pregnant!  It was always their pregnancy!

I love questions, so keep them coming so that I can add them to here, and I'm going to vlog these tonight as well!

I hope everyone is doing well, leave me lots of comments though! I love them!

-Cathleen

PPPOPPP!!!

I have definitely popped the last few days, so I wanted to share... I feel like I've just popped right out, and everyone is asking me when I'm due [hahahahhaahahahhahaha... six more months?]

Sorry again about the date stamp UGH

Just a quick drop in to show  you though haha

-Cathleen