Small Update

Well...

AF started today... actually... technically yesterday [October 12th] at 2:45pm. 

I cried instantly when I seen the blood and I thought it was a cruel joke... how could this have possibly happened to us?  Why wouldn't it have worked?  How could it not work?  I got pregnant so easily with our own children... why is this any different.  Unfortunately, it was NOT a cruel joke, and it WAS for real.

I know that God works in mysterious ways.... I have to be grateful that AF didn't start on Thanksgiving Day....  This seems just so cruel.  Keeping in mind that it takes perfectly healthy couples more than one shot in most cases, I have tried to settle my feelings with the following reasons why surrogacy is SO different from conceiving on your own, with your own partner.

1. There are stresses involved with surrogacy that you would never face while conceiving at home [ie: knowing that your IPs have spent so much money on treatment/travel, you have one shot...you can not just roll over and say "Honey... let's have some fun!!", you are not the only ones hoping it takes, there are two families waiting on results etc]
2. You have money riding on the results as well.
3. As a surrogate, you come to love your Intended Parents, and feel their want and need for it to take just as much as yours.
4. We are all taking extra reprocautions that we would not usually take when trying for our own child [ie:prenatal vitamins, buying special foods] because this is not our child, and want to have the healthiest child possible to pass over to their parents [this is what Intended Parents trust us to do].
5. As a surrogate, we are out to please our Intended Parents, that would mean getting pregnant...NOW!

There are so many things that could happen.  You fall in love with these people and their whole family, you want nothing but the best, but this can also alter your sense of being. 

Stressing over all of those things can alter ovulation.. which is certainly NOT something we all want.  This is why a lot of TS's feel the need to be on fertility medications... to have reassurance.  As a GS *in most cases* two embryos are sent in... this is not always just because their IPs want twins, but also because it is reassurance that at least one will take. 

This is something I have tried to do myself, however, I can not have these sent to me from online because Canada Post will not allow it.  It is the same in the UK and in France.  I did not know this.  So, for all of the potential TS's from Canada, please bear in mind that you would need someone to physically bring you these medications from the US or another country. 

I'm sorry I'm a bit gloomy today. 

With this surrogacy I've learned a lot about myself, as I'm sure many first time surrogates do. 

I've learned that I may get attached to people too easily.  I'm not talking about the fetus I will be carrying, but my Intended Parents.  I realized that this may have actually stunted us, as I cared too much about how much money and how this is effecting them too much... this added to the other stresses of surrogacy.  There is soo much you learn about getting attached in this business, but that is one I had not expected.

I've learned that I have to stand up for what I believe in.  At the beginning of this journey, I may have thought that as long as my IP's were happy, it is all that truly mattered... now I know that that is not correct, and we ALL have to live outside this surrogacy.  You can't cut off your other relationships in this journey, and you find that it is very hard to remember that when surrogacy is all consuming.  Everything you do, everywhere you go... it is always there, and you are always thinking about making healthy decisions for their baby.

These are things that you don't know about until you are there.  They are not BAD things... but are things that are quickly discovered.  It is important to find yourself when you go through this, especially a first surrogacy where you are simply gaining the experience and trying to enjoy it all and take every bit of it in.

Some people will never know the things about themselves that I will by the end of my first surrogacy, and as I do this onward, I hope to keep learning about my self and other cultures and life styles....  I'm so grateful to have learned everything I have so far.

I truly hope that no one picks out all my grammatical errors and my run ons (it really was the biggest point destroyer in English during high school).  I'm sorry this is so long as well, but I haven't had a good honest post in awhile, and I definitely thought I owed it to everyone who is still following us on our journey. I also apogolize if I have repeated myself... it is really late here and I've been told I have a way with words - and a way of repeating them. haha

With that, I sign off with a smile on my face... and I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving weekend!

Cathleen