If I Remember Correctly...

I loved my big belly!!  I'm thinking tonight..and I can't wait to have it back!

I wanted to share a few pictures of when I was pregnant with my son.  I didn't document very well with my daughter, shame on me.. and I regret it.  My treat :)

This was at 12 weeks :)

Here 4 weeks later at 16 weeks

Another 4 weeks past, 20 weeks.

23 weeks...

28 weeks

32 weeks

    ....

These were the last pictures I took at 35 weeks.  I had gotten bigger in the following 3.5 weeks, and i'm not sure why I didn't take pictures.  I miss that big ol' belly of mine :( I can't wait to have it back!!!!

Thanks for letting me share :)

This Is Where I Realize I Missed Something...

I seem to have forgotten an extremely important thing...


To let you know who I am! haha


My name is Cathleen.  I am 19 years young.


I have 2 children of my own, my eldest is Alexandra who will be 2 next months and my youngest is Gabriel, who has just turned 4 months old.


Our first child was definitely unplanned, and definitely not expected for at least 5 years past the point we had her.  However, she is Daddy's little girl, and mommy's little princess, and I would be lost without her.  Also, without her, I would not be on this journey!  Our son WAS planned, and we were sooo hoping for a little boy.  I wanted a Mama's Boy.. but he's his father's double, and snuggles only with Daddy hahahahaha


For short, we call them Lexi and Gabe.


Now.. background information....


I grew up in a small town [super small... but we have 5 Tim Horton's lol].  In case you hadn't pieced that together yet, I am a proud Canadian :)


I lived in British Columbia for 5 years [ages 1 through 6] but lived in New Brunswick for the remainder.  My mom loved it there... but fate had as move back to our family.


I am fluent in French and English.  And for the record, 80% of Canadians do NOT speak French.  I had to go through a lot of work to graduate with my French Immersion Certificate.  Elementary school was 80% French [which means that 80% of my courses were taught in just french] and I was taught mathematics and science in French until grade 11.  Of course there was also a French class on top of that, but I thought that was implied.  Through grade 11 and 12, I had to take a semester of French each year, which was difficult... lots of reading, many essays and of course, the dreaded verbs.  Do you have any idea how many verbs there are in French? And then you get into the past present and future tense... and then there are exceptions to every rule.  It's insane!!  To those who speak only French... I commend you, for it is like chinese... well... almost.


I got pregnant in my junior year of high school.  Half way through actually.  I completed my courses for that semester and attempted to start up again the next semester, I went to school until I was 41 weeks pregnant, but was cut from my online courses after I had Alexandra because I had no internet access at home.  I waited until the following semester to go back [Alexandra had to be 4 months old to attend daycare] and then I finished the second semester.  We planned a pregnancy for August 2009, and conceived in the first month.  I went to school for the first semester, which was all I needed to graduate.  I graduated June 25th 2010.  One of the proudest days of my entire life.


That's my education in a nutshell... I know that was long haha.


I met hubby when we were 13.  We were both in Sea Cadets, which is a youth military program.  He was my best friend for 2 years and when we were 15, decided to date...which was March 27th 2006, but promised that the friendship came before the romantic relationship no matter what.  He proposed May 2009.  We are still trying to set a date, but have recently decided that we want to wait a month AFTER I have this baby so that I can enjoy the day while not being pregnant :)


I'm not sure what else to tell you about me.  That's my life pretty much.


Kind of boring, I know.. but it is what I am made of... every wrong turn and bad decision brought to me where I am today, and has shaped the person at this computer.  It has made me the kind of mother and partner I am today... and hopefully that is not a negative thing, but something that will change others' lives for the better.... Is that not what we are put on this Earth to do? To help others, and receive help?  We all struggle in this life, and without those around us, without the support of our families and friends, where would be?


I would not want to steer into that direction, for I can not imagine where I would be today without every single turn and swirl and storm.  I am who I am, and no one is the same as me.  I am proud of that.


Thank you for caring enough to read this completely off topic ... topic.  

Go, Go, Go, Go... wait.

After waiting, we are now looking forward to the commencement of our 2nd cycle of trying for Baby McQueen.

How do I feel about it?

Excited.

Nervous.

After the best mathematicians I know got together and calculated my next time of ovulation, we've narrowed it down for September 24th.

My mathematicians? Well... that of course would be... okay... it was my pregnancy wheel. However, it did the trick right? YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME!

Sorry... melt down!

IF will be here on DD's birthday actually, September 19th. Tell me that's not meant to be!

So now the wait is ON! ... Like Donkey Kong!

Okay, I think I forgot to mention that it's literally 3:30am as I write this, so this one will be a little off. My apologies... babies are unpredictable creatures. An hour of playing in the middle of the night was NOT what I had expected though. Life is never was we expect though, right?

Okay... I can almost HEAR my pillow and blanket calling me.... It's a good sound!

I'm off to count sheep...1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...11...12...13...14...15...16...17...18...19...20....21...22...23...24... .........................................................................................................................................*snoring sounds*

My Blog For Today Ran Away...

YUMMMY!!!

Thought I would share this picture with you!! Our son was about 5 weeks old in this picture... hubby went to go give the baby a kiss... and the baby got him first!!

So, I've been working on a great blog for you...

All day and all last night...

I had a friend who had been asking about my blog posting.. and I told her, just wait... I'm just doing the final touches!! I promise it'll be there at 6pm!!

6pm came.

I got excited.

Went to my Word Document.

Pressed "Open".

GUESS WHAT ISN'T THERE!?

How did you GUESS?!

My blog that I've been working on for two days!!

So... this is my sad excuse for a blog.. to try to replace my amazing one.. which I will have to put together tomorrow... man... that SUCKS.

This is karma for putting the kids to bed early!

Lesson of the day... Just post the damn thing!

Hope it put a smile on your face ! :D

And so... We Meet!

Even though I had decided on them before this point, we were officially matched July 11th. Daily chats, for HOURS. This was a must for me, I needed to have contact, needed to know how she was doing, what she was thinking. It was now a routine. Even though there was a 13 hour time difference, me MADE it work.

I started my ovulation testing the same month.

Positive OPK July 12.

Positive OPK July 14.

Positive OPK July 17.

Wow.

AF started July 29th... this was the beginning of our first cycle... I wanted to jump for joy... the excitement was almost too much to bear. And then it sank in.. they were coming to meet me and my family. This is something that will happen in 2 weeks.

First instinct.. panic.

Second.. attempt not to stress.

Third.. stress.

Somehow.. no matter how much someone tells you NOT to stress... it only make it worse. Why is that?!

They left home on the 9th of August. They had to drop their son off with relatives, spend the day there and then start flying over.. half way across the earth. It is just as difficult as it sounds... I promise.

They arrived at the airport at 4:03pm on August 12th. THAT was not as simple as you may believe. I had a friend with me... I was so nervous I NEEDED a friend with me haha We watched for them to get off the plane. Our eyes sifted through the people, one by one by one. It seemed like eternity.... Until FINALLY we seen them.

My heart was pumping.. although it felt like my body was pumping.

What do I?

Hands were shaking.

Hug?

Handshake?

How do I introduce myself?

Hi... I'm Cathleen... let's get me knocked up....

Definitely not.

Do I just say hi and help them with their luggage?

The room seemed soo small at that point.. although, in all honestly, it was.

So I just stood there.. like an idiot.. waiting for them to come through the doors... I wanted to shout... I needed a vent... but had none. Still shaking, probably white as a ghost....

And then it happened.. it just.. happened.

They stepped through the doors, everyone smiling... and there it was... hugs!! Everyone got a nervous hug. You can laugh I know I am thinking of it.

They met my son at the airport, who was irritated at this point, but that was okay.

A few nervous, awkward seconds later (which felt like hours..) we walked over to the luggage area.

Got luggage.

Went to get rental car.

Went to hubby's work ... but he was busy.

Back home.

This is where they met my little princess. They were smiley and great with her. I was so happy that she took to them so well.

We waited for Josh to get home to sign the contracts. We had learned that he needed to sign it to say that he supported me, would not get me pregnant during the process and that he would not harm their baby in any way. So we signed... with shaky hands. I was so excited. I wanted to squeal like a school girl... but of course.. somehow kept it in.

After they contract was signed [twice, since we each had a copy for reference], we went out for Subway. It was the best Subway I ever had.. my nerves were crazy though, I could only finish half.

We went back home and we talked and talk and talked.. until the early hours of the morning. It was amazing.

We then did the insemination... which was not awkward at all, but it was relaxing.. and it broke the ice in so many ways.

We knew that there was little chance.. but it was worth the try. I had ovulated early, and there was only a sliver of a chance that we actually caught the egg. I was extremely thankful that they came anyway though.

Even now, looking at it... I get a chill of excitement.. but sorrow as well, since I will not get to see my Intended Mother for a few more months.

They stayed for 6 days. It was just amazing. I won't write everything we did, but it was jam packed with great experiences.

When they left, I felt as though I was missing family... in those 6 precious days... they really had become family to us. So much was learned about them. This was the couple I was going to carry a baby for! This was it! What a wonderful way to feel.

They left August 18th, but stopped by at 4:56am to say good bye... when they left, I cried.

And now.. more planning is under way. It is all so exhilarating.

If I am feeling this way.. how are they coping?!

Could You Share Your Map Please?

As I found... the decision to be a surrogate was much easier than understand what that decision MEANT.

I understand the main parts... carrying a child for someone else who can not. Check.

I signed onto a site where I could ask around for additional information... really understand what "carrying a child for someone else who can not" meant. I wanted to be an egg donor... so... what was that called?

Traditional Surrogate.

Was there another kind?

Apparently so... Gestational Surrogate.

So.. what was right for me?

I met this amazing couple who live only a few hours away from me. They were a same sex couple, who had been through a lot as it was. Before they had gotten together, one of them had already had surrogate. However, at birth, she changed her mind. He had trust her enough that he thought they didn't need a contract... and he sees his son 36 hours a week. I really felt for them, and wanted to help. They had an egg donor already, so everything was a go.

Not so much.

We soon found out that I did not qualify for IVF treatments. We parted our ways, promising to keep in touch. I was so sad... I felt so guilty.

However, the search was on again.

Learning more began.

Researched until my eyes wanted to jump out of my head... I would never get into another match unless I knew everything I could.

Research.

Asked questions.

Got answers.

Asked more questions.

I started to research for other people also. This helped, as they were asking valid questions... maybe questions I should have asked. I found that I really enjoyed helping... a lot. I liked looking things up for them. I was so grateful for this site... where would I have been without them?

June 29th, I had contact from a couple in Australia... maybe this was the start of something amazing... she seemed nervous, and at the same time, so was I.

And my journey began.