the twins turn 4 months old

i'm on an online keyboard sp i'll keep it short lol

here's an update on the twins!

gavin is a whopping 10 lbs 14 oz and miss haley is 10 lbs 6 oz! my little troopers! they wereboth taken off iron pills this week! yay! at 4 months, they've around tripled their birth weights!!

Changes

Can't believe how fast the last week has gone by!

I started working on Monday for a great company [Minacs]. We have a great client and I'm actually seeing going back to work as a positive thing now.

I really feel for my trainer [who we will call Tasha for confidentiality reasons]. She's originally from another province, and she lives with her mom and brother [from what I gather], and she was asked to just come for ONE cycle of training. She is now on her second and she is really home sick. The reason they are asking her to STAY is because she's [from what I hear] the best trainer. She knows the system in and out, she knows how to teach it, and she's passionate about it. I just wish she could go home to her mom, who she seems to be relatively concerned about.

There is always something to be grateful for... she reminds me to be grateful for my family and that I do not have to be away from them for any longer than 8 hours a day.

I LOVE my job so far! We are now done the first week of training. Time is FLYING by!

I know, you all come for the surrogacy updates haha

Well, here it is. I have no real update. I am still matched to the same couple, who live in Ontario. They are great though! Don't feel shy to ask any questions, and unless it's super personal on their end, I can answer them!

We are getting super excited as the testing part and of course, screening part, is coming up in just a couple months now. I DO wish I could do all of this a lot sooner. My idea Pregnancy would end in November before it got TOO cold, especially if there are twins again! I had a really hard time finding coats during my last twin pregnancy to get me through June until the warmer weather set in in July.

The cooler weather is rolling in, and fall is HERE!

I'm looking forward to winter this year actually. I know, I will whine and complain about it once we've hit month 4 of winter, but Gabriel hasnt' hasn't played in the snow yet! Lexi has onlyplayed in it a little bit because last winter, we didn't have a safe parking lot like we do here!

Not sure what else to update on though. I'll get back to you whent he clinic gets back to me!

Have a GREAT week everyone!

Cathleen

Happy Endings

Anyone who knows me  knows that I'm a sentimental person.

A friend of mine found out that she was carrying twins about a week ago, and it hit me. You hear of women who have abortions and regret it forever, and you hear of people who go through adoption and regret it. That is not what I'm going through.

A lot of people dont understand what I went through, and I understand that. There are people who come from two extremes.

1. It was a surrogacy, a surrogate should never keep a baby regardless of circumstances. That baby was never hers and never should be.

2. If Intended Parents back out, a surrogate should keep the baby under any circumstances, as that child then becomes hers.

Until you are actually faced with the actual choice, I don't believe that you can actually say what you would do. To give a child up who is biologically yours is a choice, and as a surrogate, it is something that I was okay with,a nd something that I wanted to do. I did NOT want to give those babies to strangers by any means. However, I also could not keep them... I don't talk about what emotions I went through during the adoption of my [yes, MY] twins.

The simple explanation is that it wouldn't be fair to them to bring them into the family, as I know that I couldn't have time for 4 children under 3. I knew my own limitations in this. I knew that they would have a better life, and more opportunities if adopted. Period.

That being said... it wasn't easy by any standards and there were and still are some nights when I cry. I was the only parent they had for almost 12 weeks. That is a long time. I was a mother of twins for almost 12 weeks. For those who have children... if you can imagine how much love you feel for your children even before birth, then you know the love I had for those babies.

Adoption was my decision. I had to live with whatever outcome I was going to give to those babies. A better life, with a family who would appreciate every sleepless night and every new bandaid needed is what they deserved and it is why I gave them that life. I had all the legal rights to keep them, and I had all the legal rights to give them to a family who could do better.

With all of that in mind... I am like any other birth mother on the planet. I have my ups and downs, and it is not always easy for me when I think of them, or see new pictures of them. Yes, they have a wonderful family. Yes they are well taken care of. Yes they are well loved. Yes they were wanted more than anything in the world. Yes they have parents who would move mountains for them. ...Yes, somedays I miss the hell out of them and wish that things could have been different... but they weren't and aren't.

I do not regret the adoption.

I do not regret having them.

I do not regret the surrogacy.

I regret not choosing biological parents who were capable of taking care of them.

And -- with all of that in the open, I've been talking to IP's through my agency for a little bit, and we are looking forward to meeting.

Regardless of my past experience, I am looking forward to opening a new chapter, and looking forward to a happy ending :)  Afterall... that is why surrogates are surrogates, to help create that happy ending.