3 Weeks To Go!

Can you believe it? Can it be true? There's only 21 days until I am in Toronto, really, since it's late, almost down to 20 days! EEEEKKK!!


So, you may ask, what's been going on? Why haven't I been blogging like I usually do?

You see, the truth of the matter is that...there really wasn't much I could update you all on. It was just me waiting...and waiting. I do have a small update though, besides the countdown to Toronto, which is huge to me and for those of you on my facebook, you know that there is a daily countdown.

Today, I got an email from the clinic, and they sent me all four pages (I'll clarify...yes...FOUR (4) pages) of BLOOD WORK that they'll want completed while I'm there. Hopefully there will be enough left to me when I leave. Everything you can possibly imagine is being pulled from my arm that day! I haven't even gotten into the other tests and screening that I'll be doing that day!

I knew that there would be a lot of blood work...4 pages though? WOW! I'll be sure to make sure I drink LOTS of water before going, and to bring some with me. Make sure I have a nice big breakfast too!

The weather has been BEAUTIFUL here, and we've been spending a LOT of time outside lately, it's been really relaxing, I'm glad we got to enjoy the warm weather because it'll be dropping 10-15 degrees for the next few weeks again. I hope that it warms up anyway and that I won't have to freeze when I go to Toronto!


Evan took his first steps on his own last week, that's so exciting to me! The downside though, is that I may have to wean him soon, I don't like how he's learned how to walk over to me, pull my shirt down, and start nursing. I thought it was pretty cute the first time, but then I realized that if he continues to do that, I'll be caught in public while he exposes me! He's not nursing much anymore to be honest, just before his naps and before bed pretty much, it shouldn't be hard to wean him. He's going to be 9 months old in 5 days (where does the time go?!?!), so he'll be started on cow's milk. I'm a bit sad to end our breastfeeding journey, but it also means I will be starting my next surrogacy journey, so it's a give/take scenario.


On the topic of the separation, everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay, I really am! I'm so so so so happy. I keep asking myself, are you REALLY okay? Is this a show? But...it isn't, I'm actually really happy. I don't think I've ever been this happy, even the kids are starting to come around and they seem happy now that mommy is happier. They really do pick up on everything!


As usual, thanks for checking in. I'll keep you all updated on when I get more information from the clinic! I have my appointment schedule, I'm still waiting for my travel itinerary, and when I do get it (it's already been booked) I will let you all know!

xox

A Few Things Today

Last night I received my itinerary for the trip! Everything is booked, and now I just have to wait...but...you know how long to wait?

Only 1M2D left! CRAZY!

I've gone a bit OCD about it all, I have my wardrobe for the trip decided, now I'm choosing what shoes to bring!

I also have other big news.

I'm on CD3! My cycle has FINALLY returned, 8.5 months post partum. I am OFFICIALLY in the cycling process now! I need at least 2 normal cycles before I can start medication. Everyone ready for those huge needles? I'm not! haha

I'm not sure when an estimated transfer date will be giving, or even start of meds date. I guess we'll have to wait and see after the screening is all done.

We are also going over the contract, I had like 2 pages of foods that were prohibited/restricted...I almost cried, and then decided that it was crazy and I couldn't be restricted like that as long as I'm following my Dr's orders. It said NO pop at all. What happened to most things in moderation? Sheesh. My IP's have obviously never been pregnant, so it's all new to them, so we're just finding what makes everyone comfortable (and fed lol).

I spoke to them again over the weekend, I did miss their first call though, which I did feel bad for, but they called an hour later. Not a huge deal.


I guess I have something serious to talk about today though. I wasn't sure how to blog this, as it's not really something I would blog about.

I asked Josh for a divorce about 4 weeks ago.

It wont' be effecting the surrogacy because we are both going to still sign the contract, as he is still legally my husband, and will be at the signing of the contract. This is important because because we're married, he could claim the baby/babies are his, causing for a huge problem. Of course, he would never do that, but I also want my IF's to feel comfortable with it, and let's be honest, this is a huge deal.

We were together over 7 years, and it's no secret to the people close to us, and now to many others, that he had affairs in the past, that I can't get over. I thought I could, and after therapy, time, a lot of tears, and feeling as though I've failed as a wife, I've come to the conclusion that life is just too short to be hurting every day, and everyone deserves to be happy.

He is still living here, as he's going to be starting his college course...in literally 4 days...and it benefits everyone right now for him to stay here. We haven't really sat down with the kids and spoke about it a WHOLE lot yet, but they know that mommy and daddy will no longer share a room, we won't be kissing or cuddling anymore. They haven't asked "why" yet, as they're only 2 and 4...but when that day comes I'm hoping it won't be something that scars them for life and ruins any chance of them having healthy, normal relationships later haha.

I still have a wonderful support system. I still have financial security. I still feel great about doing this surrogacy. We're not fighting about anything, which is a huge thing. I'm hoping it'll be quick, but know you can't go back and delete over 7 years of your life with someone, you can only start a new page in the book. So, for now, that's what I'm doing!

Life is just too short...and we all deserve to wake up happy, and go to bed with no regrets.

Here's to having no regrets!

Question Period

So, I was asked a few questions, and I personally don't like being asking for facts of surrogacy, because facts are different everywhere, every clinic and Dr and couple and surrogate are different. This blog is from my point of view, and I don't mind sharing opinions. We are all entitled to an opinion, and I think it's important to at least have an opinion. 

It's fine if you disagree with my opinion, I can respect that you also have one, and I appreciate that you do, it means that you've look into it, and know where you stand which is very important. Please don't bash me for my opinion, and I won't bash you for yours. 

Q: How do you choose a family?

A: I choose a couple/person who want the same out of the surrogacy, during and afterward. What kind of relationship do they want? Do they have embryos already? How many babies are they willing to have? At hat point do they want to terminate/reduce? Do they want to be part of the pregnancy? Birth? What role would they like me to have after the surrogacy is over? Do we have a connection? These are all things that have to be either agreed on, or we have to be able to compromise to make everyone happy!

Q: If you became pregnant with their baby and it was multiples and they wanted you to abort some, how would u feel about that?

A: Before you get to transfer, or even start IVF medication, all of this is discussed. It's really part of the "matching" process. Therefore, you don't get there and have to make a decision that is best for everyone. I am personally willing to carry up to 2 babies. I'm not comfortable with more than that at this point. It also means I'm not willing to put more than that amount of embryos in (both could take and one could split, resulting in triplets, but I'll explain what would happen then too). If a last minute decision were to happen, where the Dr felt comfortable putting in 3 embryos (rare here in Canada), and all three took, then I would reduce to 2. I don't feel comfortable with reducing 2 embryos to 1. I only feel comfortable reducing 3 to 2 because of the long term health of the babies, and me. 

Q: Is is a long process?

A: The process CAN be long. You need to be screened, mentally, physically and internally to make sure that you are in good health all around and are prepared to take this journey. They run blood work, do ultrasounds on our reproductive organs, make sure we speak to a social worker about the process and make sure that everyone is on the same page. These are VERY important, none of this should be under-minded. There is also a contract, and everyone has to agree on everything in it. Everything to do with the surrogacy, from start of meds to 6 weeks post birth will be included, every scenario accounted for. This usually takes 4-9 months, and does not include finding the right match, that could take 1 day to 2-3 years depending on what you are looking for, and what you are comfortable compromising on. 


Q: How will u explain the new pregnancy to ur kids? Will they meet the new baby?

A: My eldest (Lexi, age 4.5) understands that the twins I had were not ours "for keepsies", and the way I explained it was that their mommy's belly is broken, so we grew their babies in my belly instead. It's easier this time, we'll be telling her and Gabey (soon to be 3) that the guys don't have girl parts to grow a baby in, so mommy is going to help them by using my girl parts to make their baby/babies. Children accept these things so quickly and easily, they are taught what is normal, what is acceptable. I want them to know that we should all help others, even if ti's not in all the same ways, to the best of our ability with minimal in return. 

Q: If u got preg with 2 babies but they only wanted 1, would u carry on with the pregnancy and find another family to take the other baby, or u abort one?

A: That goes hand in hand with what I said earlier, I wouldn't decide to work with a couple who would want to reduce 2 to 1 simply because there were "too many" babies. Many sets of twins are born very healthy, and lead normal lives with no birth defects or abnormalities long term due to being a bit premature. Triplets can be born quite premature in many cases and have long term health problems, and in some situations, babies can die. That is the difference for me, after already having had one twin pregnancy.

Q: How did your husband react when you told him that you wanted to do this?

A: He actually thought I was kidding, and he probably thought I was crazy. It honestly took him awhile to come around to the idea, and wasn't comfortable with it. It took a lot of compromise, and he had to meet the couple and only then was he okay with it, and even then, he was a bit uneasy about it. This time around, he understands what it will entail and is on board 100%.

As always folks, if you have questions, please leave them in the comment area, and I will answer them the next blog either before or after the update. 

1 Month and 2 Weeks until i'm in Toronto!

7 Weeks To Go!

I'm not excited at all to go to Toronto. Yeah...that's a humongous hairy lie. I can't wait! I mean...I will...because I have no choice...but EEK!

The final prep is under way. Yes...final prep. Okay, not all of the prep is being done NOW. But the big things, flights, cabs, hotels, appointments. They are all being booked in advance...SOON. How crazy is that?!

I have now been speaking to my IF's for 9w5d. There is exactly 7 weeks, 1 hour and 43 minutes until my appointment at the clinic.

Have I mentioned that I'm excited?

I think that it just hit me.

I also just watched a video of someone giving themselves a PIO (progesterone in oil) shot...and I thought to myself...I am definitely going to need to reward myself with a cookie every day. It took her about an hour to inject it all. Okay, more like 10 seconds, but I know it'll seem like an hour. It's super super thick (think of injecting...vegetable oil into your bum...close comparison).

So...other things I've done lately that HAVEN'T scared the crap out of me in preparing for this journey include looking for floor plans for the Montreal airport so that I know where I'm going to be going in the time I have there in between flights. Although I love an adventure, I also like to be prepared. Getting to the next gate on time is pretty important to me. I will be going through the SAME airport to get back, by the end of this trip, I'll be completely prepared for when I go for my transfer. Neato!

So...7 weeks. 7 weeks to make sure I am 100% prepared for the entire trip.

I'm always nervous when meeting new people who I haven't known for long. When they meet me at the airport, do I run and jump and hug them? Do I wear a business suit and greet them with a handshake and stern face? I know I know...probably somewhere in between. But WHERE in between?

Hair up...or hair down?

Make up...no make up?

Glasses aren't an option...if I don't wear them...I won't be able to see anything and I will most likely end up walking into the gate on the way out. That would be a great first impression!

I had received some questions, and thought that it would be nice to put some questions and answers into a blog, so my next blog will be questions and answers, most of them are my OPINION and not just run of the mill questions, but many are to do with surrogacy, and I think that it's important that people feel free to ask questions.

I have also noticed lately (and it bothered me) that my grammar has gotten horrible! Being a stay at home mom has ruined my writing skills haha.

Alexandra has a few more weeks of preschool...her graduation is coming up...wow!

Gabriel is going to be 3 in 18 days. We're working slowly (no rush) on potty training. He's definitely not my little baby anymore.

Evan is always changing and learning. Today he let go of my leg while standing to play with a toy...he'll be walking in no time. He's also become quite the screecher. Goodness.

Josh is applying for college courses. Life has really hit our relationship the last few years though.

The house is super messy the last few days. I think I'm fighting off a cold...boo!

I promise to update on those Q&A's :)

Have a wonderful week everyone!

1 Month 26 Days

HAPPY APRIL!!

Yes, it may be April Fool's Day today, but I'm not joking when I say that time is finally starting to move faster, and that in 1 Months and 26 Days, I will be in Toronto!

Lately I have been emailing with my IF's, one of their fish has an infection in his tail and they are treating with antibiotics, it's been about a week now, but he is back to his normal self mostly, and hopefully Felix (real name) will be back to himself in no time!

I have been taking my cocktail of vitamins every single day, and now that the weather is nicer, I have been exercising in attempts of getting my body ready for the medication. April marks 4 months until a possible transfer, which is VERY exciting! 

I am currently watching as very wet snow plummets to the ground in my front yard like meteoroids crashing to the Earth, so April doesn't mean spring yet apparently. My current weight is ...icky. Let's just say I have about 30lbs I'd like to lose before starting birth control pills. With the weather still cold it's hard to do things like going out to bike, but I will be biking really soon! Even if it's in winter boots!

Evan is crawling now and is 7.5 months old. He's also standing up on everything and just learning how to stand up without any help or holding things. Can't believe how big he is. He's still breastfed mostly, but has cheerios every day and will get things out of our plates as well. He has learned how to screech (sorry neighbors!), and is learning to move things with his hands, he's a little charmer for sure! Time is flying.

Gabriel is going to be 3 this month (WOW!)...and mommy is starting to get him potty trained. Lexi was this age when we potty trained her. Having on in diapers when I go to the clinic will make daddy's life 100% easier I'm sure. He is learning colors, and starting to count (he's got up to 4 down now without help), he will be starting preschool soon after the surrogacy is done. He's speaking in complete and complex sentences now, which has made caring for him so much easier on a day to day basis.

Alexandra (Lexi) is almost done preschool, she graduates in June (where the time has gone, I'm not sure). She's learning how to write and read letters and their sounds, she is learning phone numbers (ours, grandmas, etc) and loves to play games where we have to determine colors and shapes. She amazes me every day. She loves to test people's limits, asks questions CONSTANTLY, and is generally curious now. 

Josh is still...Josh haha. He has lost about 20lbs, and is doing great. He started to bike to work more often, and his lymphadema hasn't been as bad lately. I'm betting they're related! He is back on his ADHD medication and it's helping him a lot (he only started it at 19, but was off of it for a year and a half). Cadets is coming to a close for the year, and his ACR (Annual Ceremonial Review) is May 26th (cutting it a bit close?). The cadets look great and I can't wait to go (and not just for the food!).

As for me...I've already covered me! I'm getting ready for my trip to Toronto, so slowly I'm getting stuff ready to pack away. 

I hope that everyone had a great long weekend, and that the Easter Bunny spoiled everyone rotten, but that, overall, the time you spent with family and friends will last you until Mother's Day...which...is truly just around the corner *HINT HINT!*. 

Happy Easter Monday everyone, Happy April Fool's, and I hope that wherever you are today, you're smiling!

Verdict : Not Crazy

So, like I had stated in my last post, I had my skype appointment today with a social worker. I didn't know exactly what the interview would be about, so I went into it a little blind. I knew that it would take about an hour, and that the last half, Josh would be included, so he needed to be home.

To ensure that everything was okay at home, we made sure that Lexi was at preschool for the full day today, so that neither of us would have to drop everything to go get her half way through in case it ran late. Lexi wasn't here..check.

We had put Evan down for a nap...no screaming teething baby...check.

We gave Gabriel what seemed like a hundred little dinky cars, and lots of toys to keep him occupied. Gabriel occupied...check.

Then the wait for the call to go through. My gosh. My clock said it was only 2 minutes...it was OBVIOUSLY more like an eternity. Silly clock!

She introduced herself, her name, her profession, her experience in the field of third party reproduction, how she herself had had two separate surrogates for herself, who brought her two daughters into the world.

We pretty much went through my life. Where I grew up, how old I was, how long Josh and I have been together.

Then we got into deeper things, how is our relationship? Was it easy for us to get pregnant? Was Josh there for me while I was pregnant? How were my pregnancies and labors? Were there complications? What is life like for us? Where do we work? Does our family support our decision to do surrogacy? Do we have family who do not support our decision? How do we approach telling people that we do surrogacy? How do we cope under pressure and stress? What are some hobbies we like? What are our children like?

So many questions. It felt like I was giving my life story, and I had to make sure she knew all of the good parts...a movie that has gone on for 22 years, and I had to give a complete review of every aspect. Every detail. Try not to leave things out that may be important. Try to emphasize how much we want to help other in the process of surrogacy.

Where did we learn about surrogacy?

How did the first surrogacy go? Since it was not a good experience, why are we doing it again? What brought me to surrogacy to begin with?

Every answer was seemingly impossible, trying to word things properly, I didn't want her to come off too serious, but joking could lead to miscommunication, and I didn't want her to think that we didn't take this all seriously, because we do. Afterall, we're not mowing someone's lawn, we're carrying their BABY.

My entire capability of being a surrogate could potentially ride on this one conversation. How do you ensure that you're coming across properly? You can't...you have to hope that your personality comes through and that everything you are saying is something that is valuable. There is so much to take into consideration! The amount of pressure that I felt just in this one hour...is insane! Each question, I looked up at Josh and looked for a smile to see if I answered correctly, and of course, there was probably no real "right" answer. And if there was a right answer, surely he wouldn't know it anyway.

One more check in a box. One step closer to transfer, and one step closer to helping The Dudes become parents.

Am I Crazy?

I'm sorry that there haven't really been much to update on so far. The downside to having so much time to a transfer is that noting really is going on from day to day yet!

HOWEVER, I do have an update.

So, I have to meet up with a social worker when I go to the clinic, and I am also meeting up with the life insurance consultant when I go in May. So, that is all forever away.

Right now, I am setting up a skype meeting with a social worker for Josh and I, I can only assume it is to make sure that we know what to expect etc. She will also make sure that we are mentally stable and are good candidates to be a surrogate family.

It is exciting in a way that something is finally happening.
I have also started to save my receipts for my prepregnancy expenses (prenatal vitamins for example, in preparation for pregnancy). Having a system for my receipts was easy.

We bought a receipt book, not only to STORE those receipts, but I also have to keep track of what category the receipt falls under (medication/food/clothes/transportation/medical), the amount, the date of the purchase, and then the overall total so far. Here in Canada, this is how we are reimbursed, without these receipts, as proof that we are spending the money on pregnancy related expenses, we do not get reimbursed.

Again, we are not paid in Canada to be a surrogate, so it makes for a bit more work on our end.

Can you believe that we're half way through March already? 2 months and 13 days until I am in Toronto! I'm the Queen of countdowns...this should be fun haha.

I haven't started my cycles yet, but I am working on getting the baby to sleep through the night, and once that happens, my cycles will most likely come back. I'm also pumping milk whenever I get the chance so that I can stop breastfeeding at 11 months and he'll still have a month's worth of milk. I'm up to 116oz now, for an 11 month old on juice and regular meals, that'll hopefully last almost 6 days. I'm averaging 20oz of breastmilk per day. I don't know if that'll be enough though, so I'm going to pump like crazy, hopefully get 10-20oz a day (20oz would be very optimistic of course)and have lots by July!

I'll keep a log on here on how much milk I've saved up too!

Have a great day everyone! God Bless!