Verdict : Not Crazy

So, like I had stated in my last post, I had my skype appointment today with a social worker. I didn't know exactly what the interview would be about, so I went into it a little blind. I knew that it would take about an hour, and that the last half, Josh would be included, so he needed to be home.

To ensure that everything was okay at home, we made sure that Lexi was at preschool for the full day today, so that neither of us would have to drop everything to go get her half way through in case it ran late. Lexi wasn't here..check.

We had put Evan down for a nap...no screaming teething baby...check.

We gave Gabriel what seemed like a hundred little dinky cars, and lots of toys to keep him occupied. Gabriel occupied...check.

Then the wait for the call to go through. My gosh. My clock said it was only 2 minutes...it was OBVIOUSLY more like an eternity. Silly clock!

She introduced herself, her name, her profession, her experience in the field of third party reproduction, how she herself had had two separate surrogates for herself, who brought her two daughters into the world.

We pretty much went through my life. Where I grew up, how old I was, how long Josh and I have been together.

Then we got into deeper things, how is our relationship? Was it easy for us to get pregnant? Was Josh there for me while I was pregnant? How were my pregnancies and labors? Were there complications? What is life like for us? Where do we work? Does our family support our decision to do surrogacy? Do we have family who do not support our decision? How do we approach telling people that we do surrogacy? How do we cope under pressure and stress? What are some hobbies we like? What are our children like?

So many questions. It felt like I was giving my life story, and I had to make sure she knew all of the good parts...a movie that has gone on for 22 years, and I had to give a complete review of every aspect. Every detail. Try not to leave things out that may be important. Try to emphasize how much we want to help other in the process of surrogacy.

Where did we learn about surrogacy?

How did the first surrogacy go? Since it was not a good experience, why are we doing it again? What brought me to surrogacy to begin with?

Every answer was seemingly impossible, trying to word things properly, I didn't want her to come off too serious, but joking could lead to miscommunication, and I didn't want her to think that we didn't take this all seriously, because we do. Afterall, we're not mowing someone's lawn, we're carrying their BABY.

My entire capability of being a surrogate could potentially ride on this one conversation. How do you ensure that you're coming across properly? You can't...you have to hope that your personality comes through and that everything you are saying is something that is valuable. There is so much to take into consideration! The amount of pressure that I felt just in this one hour...is insane! Each question, I looked up at Josh and looked for a smile to see if I answered correctly, and of course, there was probably no real "right" answer. And if there was a right answer, surely he wouldn't know it anyway.

One more check in a box. One step closer to transfer, and one step closer to helping The Dudes become parents.

Am I Crazy?

I'm sorry that there haven't really been much to update on so far. The downside to having so much time to a transfer is that noting really is going on from day to day yet!

HOWEVER, I do have an update.

So, I have to meet up with a social worker when I go to the clinic, and I am also meeting up with the life insurance consultant when I go in May. So, that is all forever away.

Right now, I am setting up a skype meeting with a social worker for Josh and I, I can only assume it is to make sure that we know what to expect etc. She will also make sure that we are mentally stable and are good candidates to be a surrogate family.

It is exciting in a way that something is finally happening.
I have also started to save my receipts for my prepregnancy expenses (prenatal vitamins for example, in preparation for pregnancy). Having a system for my receipts was easy.

We bought a receipt book, not only to STORE those receipts, but I also have to keep track of what category the receipt falls under (medication/food/clothes/transportation/medical), the amount, the date of the purchase, and then the overall total so far. Here in Canada, this is how we are reimbursed, without these receipts, as proof that we are spending the money on pregnancy related expenses, we do not get reimbursed.

Again, we are not paid in Canada to be a surrogate, so it makes for a bit more work on our end.

Can you believe that we're half way through March already? 2 months and 13 days until I am in Toronto! I'm the Queen of countdowns...this should be fun haha.

I haven't started my cycles yet, but I am working on getting the baby to sleep through the night, and once that happens, my cycles will most likely come back. I'm also pumping milk whenever I get the chance so that I can stop breastfeeding at 11 months and he'll still have a month's worth of milk. I'm up to 116oz now, for an 11 month old on juice and regular meals, that'll hopefully last almost 6 days. I'm averaging 20oz of breastmilk per day. I don't know if that'll be enough though, so I'm going to pump like crazy, hopefully get 10-20oz a day (20oz would be very optimistic of course)and have lots by July!

I'll keep a log on here on how much milk I've saved up too!

Have a great day everyone! God Bless!

SHOW ME THE MONEY!

Okay...so not quite.

Now that my screening is booked (70 days left...but who's counting?) at the clinic, so is my social worker for my mental eval...aka...they're going to make sure that I know what surrogacy implies (...let me guess...I get pregnant and then give birth...right?) and that I am mentally prepared for this journey (just in case I thought I was going to be bringing the baby/babies home...).

So, Since there isn't a whole lot to update about for a few weeks...I'd thought I'd let you in on a secret of mine...we started contracts this week :) Since I am with an agency, thsi pretty much consisted of the agency asking me what reimbursement I thought I'd have and how much they thought would cover extra expenses like if there are twins,if I need bedrest, if I need a CSection. In the surrogacy community, we hope for the best, but prepare for the worst, which means there is also a Loss of Reproductive Organs amount.

Some of those things can be daunting, I know, but we have to make sure that everything is covered just in case something happens, every surrogacy comes with risks involved.

So far, that's all we have discussed for the contract but I know that there will be many other things.

I had agreed to the guys (upon asking them how much information I could share, they let me know that they are not comfortable with me including ANY of their info...comment if you have suggestions on nicknames!) that I would welcome them to any appointments.ultrasounds and of course to the birth. That will all go into the contract. There are a lot of things to discuss, but as things are decided, I'll let you all know how we decided certain things.

The amount of money that we are averaging for has to do with how much extra food I will be in taking while pregnant, and since food is more expensive here because of where we live, I had to take that into consideration. We don't have a car right now, so I will be taking cabs to every appointment, and since wait times are long at the OBS Clinic (I've waited four hours once), I need to take into consideration that I will probably be there through a meal time. And of course, I have to think about babysitters. Unfortunately, with baby number 5, I gained a lot of weight for some reason, and I will need new maternity clothes. If I'm on bedrest, I will need someone to come in, and I have three children 4 and under, so someone will have to tidy and cook. These things are not cheap.

Of course, this is a negotiable aspect, give and take on both sides. It's important that everyone is happy with the caps on these things. In Canada we are not "paid" to be a surrogate, this should never be an income for anyone, and this is not a job. If you are relying on surrogacy to pay bills, then you shouldn't be doing it. My husband makes a decent living, and he works hard to support us financially, I am reimbursed for my expenses, and I have to hand over all receipts to prove my expenses. It's important for everyone to know that this isn't a way to make money in Canada, it is a way to help others.

I won't disclose what my caps are as I believe that's a private matter, but surrogates have to make sure they won't be paying out of pocket for expenses, and IP's have to make sure they are not being cheated out of their hard earned money either.

I'm excited to know what the next category is in the contract! I know contracts can take a few months to perfect, so for now, slow and steady is good!


Right now the guys and I are exchanging weekly emails about. We don't have a ton in common, but we are both looking into surrogacy for the same reason, so I hope that we become closer over time. They are also busy people, and I'm sure they don't even notice the time flying by!


As always, feel free to comment if you have questions or things to add!

Have a great week!

In God's Hands

Tragedy is something that happens to others, and it is rarely handed out to us. At least, that is what we tell ourselves, most likely in comfort, but it is something we have to realize can happen at any moment, to anyone, for reasons that we are unaware of.

On Sunday night, I got a phone call from my sister that our cousin was at the hospital and he was not breathing. This was the only information I received, I got out of bed and got dressed very quickly and she met me at the door to go to the hospital. I was terrified, in denial, surely, he's okay and someone in the family over exaggerated the circumstances.

When we arrive at the hospital, we are ushered into the ICU. We are told that they suspect my 18 year old cousin has had a heart attack, they were still working on him and we had no answers...only questions. My aunt was still in shock, and all we could do was wait.

What felt like hours passed by, of course it was only about 15 minutes. Every minute was slow and painful. My cousin is healthy, he's a hockey player...he's played hockey his whole life...he couldnt' weight more than 140lbs and he's over 6 feet tall...how is this possible...what is going on...please let this be a cruel joke. Please tell me I'm not really awake.

The Dr came back in, and he told us he had a pulse. They shocked him 13 to 15 times...but they had a pulse. He seemed to be breathing on his own, we'll be able to see him soon, please remain calm and he'll be back as soon as he can. He looked tired, stressed out, and he was wearing a blue shirt under his white Dr's coat. We could tell that he had just put his white coat on, it was still without wrinkles. The rings around his eyes told us how worried he was, and how unsure he was of my cousin's condition. Shock was starting to wear off, and I wish it hadn't.

We kept asking each other what time it was, how long it had been. Sometimes only 3 minutes had gone by, we tried to fill our minds with positive thoughts, and try to reassure each other that things will be okay.

The Dr came back finally with an update, he wasn't breathing on his own, he was ventilated, and there was internal bleeding. It seemed so bleak...it felt like punishment, why would he come tell us that? Why won't he just make it better? His coat was wrinkled now, the rings around his eyes had deepened...how long had it been...two...three hours? Only 45 minutes.

Finally his parents could go see him. My aunt came out crying, I know what she seen in there, I remember it all too well when the twins needed help, and they were hooked up to machines to watch their heart rate, temperature, brain activity...it's a mother's worst nightmare. She was inconsolable...who wouldn't be...I have no words for her, I held her tight, rubbed her back and kept saying "It will be okay, he will fight through this.".

It was my turn, I went in but it didn't look like my cousin. This is just a bad dream. This isn't happening.

There were no bodily responses to touch, sound or temperature, they were putting him in a coma soon...but I had no idea how less responsive he could possibly get. I was watching one of those shows on TV...if I could just snap out of it. I just had to wake up.

I returned to the waiting room just outside. The automatic doors kept opening and closing. Opening and closing. Each time they would, everyone in the room would jump and look up. The tissues they had were like sand paper.

The Dr asked to speak to the parents, my aunt and uncle. They were sending him via helicopter to a bigger city. There were specialists there who could help. Neither of his parents were going to be able to go in the helicopter, there were too many machines and no room.

They made plans to drive down the same night, a 5 hour trip. We watched the clock again as they prepped him to go, hooked him up to the team's equipment and got his stretcher ready to go. I will never forget all of us in a semi circle, waiting and and watching as they wheeled him out of the hospital through those automatic doors. As soon as the door shut behind them, the room was full of electricity.

I don't even remember getting home, it was so fast. Everyone dispersed and had things to do. I returned home to my husband and children, who were all in bed by then, as it was shortly after 2am.

I had a snack, did some tidying up, and then brought the baby upstairs with me at about 4am. Sleep escaped me until nearly 6am.

When I woke up Monday morning, I had to deal with the fact that it isn't a bad dream. I had to deal with the fact that it is out of our hands right now and that we have to leave it in God's hands, for He alone has plans for us all, and we are unaware of those plans. Putting trust in His plans is not easy right now.

My cousin is now in good hands, he is not out of the woods yet, but they are bringing him out of his coma tomorrow, and they will assess how he responds. His heart is so weak, and no one knows why yet. It feels like with every day that passes, we only have more questions.

This entire ordeal brings me back to why I am a surrogate...life is so incredibly precious. My cousin and I aren't close, but he is the closest thing I have to a brother. Life can be taken from us in an instant, and so many of us don't take every day as a gift, I know I don't. Every day is an opportunity, every day is a GIFT, and right now, every moment that passes is crucial for my cousin, who is oblivious to everything that is happening.

Tragedy happens to others...it happens to those who are unlucky...it doesn't happen to the same family more than once.... These are all things that I believed until Monday morning when I woke up, and realized that it was not a nightmare. Every life is precious. Every day is a chance for miracles. Please hug your babies and loved ones today, call the people you care about but don't always make the time to reach out to. Remember that just because they are here today, does not mean they are there tomorrow.

Please say a prayer today if you are comfortable with that, for my cousin Justin, who had an entire life ahead of him only days ago, and is now fighting for one more day. Please say a prayer to all of those fighting cancer and disease, for one more day. Please say a prayer to those who are hungry, for those who are homeless, for those who know tragedy too well.

Thank you.

Going To The Clinic!

I've only been talking to my IP's for 22 days now, but the ball is moving FAST! I wish in a way that there wasn't so much time left still, we could have totally had this whole process done in no time!

The clinic emailed me this morning, and I will be heading to Toronto, Ontario for my official screening May 28th, the appointment is set for 11am.

I don't know yet if my IF's will be coming, or what the game plan is or when I'll be flying out OR coming back yet! I have some very close friends in Toronto, and I have a wonderful friend of mine who will be flying from Alberta to Ontario to meet up with me, so I may ask that my flights allow for me to be in the city for 2-3 days (and of course, they will only be asked to pay for surrogacy related expenses, such as my meals during the time I would be there for the screening, and one night at the hotel and my flights, nothing will change there). It would give me time to meet all of these wonderful people, but I don't believe in having fun on IP's dime.

I'll also be organizing for my husband to take time off so that he can stay home with the kids, or finding a babysitter while he is working. There is a lot to do still! Flights and hotel will have to be booked, and I will have to learn how to fill out my papers for my expenses!

I can fly right out of town here at least, and then land in Montreal and then take Montreal to Toronto. It really shouldn't take long, but this is going to be my first time flying by myself, and it's been almost a decade since I've flown. I'm nervous, and excited.

I have yet to find out exactly what my screening will consist of, but hopefully I get to spend time with my IF's (The Dudes). I'm looking forward to meeting them in person and hopefully they really feel a click with me! There is still a lot of time, but I hope that everything works out and they still like me when they meet me for the first time in person!

First Call From The Clinic

My IP's got a phone call yesterday from the clinic about my paperwork that I sent in last week.

What happens is that the paperwork arrives and they'll tell IP's if the surrogate they want to move forward with has any red flags. They'll either recommend the surrogate to move forward, or they'll tell the IP's that the surrogate just isn't a good candidate for their clinic.

If I was a good candidate, they would move forward with setting dates for screening.

If I wasn't a good candidate, they would tell the IP's to find another surrogate or go to another clinic...which is really stressful.

Reasons for a clinic to not approve prescreening is being unhealthy, living an unhealthy lifestyle, having poor pregnancy/delivery records etc. All of it is really important.

When the clinic called...they said that I was a great candidate and now we're setting dates for the rest of the screening! They will send a request for blood work to be done right here in town, and the results will be sent in, this was important because my husband also has to do blood work and we didn't want to travel.

I am so so so excited right now! I got the email late last night right before going to bed, and I told a couple people and then promised to update my readers! I'm so so so excited! After the screening is done, we'll be working hard on contracts. So...I can't wait for the screening to be done and I promise to write about all the details!

I hope everyone is having a great week! Things are moving along nicely here!

The Hurry Up And Wait

Much like the military...this has become my motto for surrogacy.

The clinic said we'll do screening in August, and I thought...why so far away? I thought maybe it had something to do with my breastfeeding, but I wanted to clarify. So I asked them :)

they hadn't received my paperwork by Monday, so I reprinted the paperwork and refilled it in, and sent it all off again. I made sure it was guaranteed two days, and it had a tracking number. It arrived on time on Thursday morning (yay!). I emailed them to confirm anyway though, and asked them a few questions. They had in fact received it,and it is a long weekend for them in Ontario, so they will be off Monday as well. This meant that them getting through my paperwork will take long (sigh).

They said that we could for sure do the screening earlier, which I was SUPER happy about. Screening in August meant at the earliest, the transfer would be in October (says the clinic). I'm hoping that maybe we could still get a good September transfer.

With all of this going on, I decided that I would start pumping my milk NOW in case little Evan decided to wean a bit early off of me. I have just over 100oz frozen and maybe I can start meds in August that way. I want him to have a full month's worth of milk though, which i know will be hard. 8oz pumped per day from here to then (about 180 days) should cover it. I don't mind starting meds early, but I only want to transfer at the earliest, about August 15, after the baby is a full year old. My body deserves the rest :)

The guys don't seem rushed at ALL...which is great. October they are happy with. It would mean I'll be due in July though...the hottest month of the summer here. I can just imagine how how I would feel as I was due mid August last year and felt huge haha. Bringing a big, healthy baby into this world is all I care about, but if we could avoid me being due in the most snowy or hottest month of the year...that would be AMAZING.

Other than that, I am still getting to know my IF's, and hope that they still like me. I'm really hoping to get screening dates next week so that my husband can get the time off of work.I'm so ready to start this. Screening has nothing to do with when you are ready to transfer by the way, i didn't know that until this week. I know certain things like blood work expire though, but the clinic can get me to do that here in town, which is GREAT.

So...now I wait....

Don't feel shy to ask me questions in the comment area as we go through this, it'llalso give me something to talk about! haha.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend! Josh is out of town this weekend, so it's just me and my three musketeers! He'll be back early tonight because of the snow storm though, he's only 4 hours away at least. It's weekends like this that remind me how lucky I am that he's not always away, and that I'm not a single mom!