Passion...Love...And The Blood

Okay, not all three are directly related to each other...so no... I didn't turn into  Macbeth or anything.

A lot of my readers know that relationship wise, I've been a MESS the last few months. It's in my blog and everything. It's been hard as all heck and I have no idea how two people who think they love each other so much can go through so much.

I am impatient, short tempered, hormonal and selfish at times. I know that, those are my downfalls. 

I still know that I'm worth more than to be cheated on, lied to and put aside. 

I waited to write this because I find that when things are fresh for me, I'm very dramatic and even though I tend to write BETTER when I'm passionate about the subject still, it's not always FAIR. And don't even go there, we all do it. We like pity parties thrown for us.

Some marriages go through a rough spot, and one of the two partners in that marriage strays... whether it is for emotional comfort, physical pleasure, the lure of the unknown, the rush of the excitement... it does happen.

What SUCKS... is when you're the one cheated on. It's easy to do it, and then you know you have to be good after you get caught, never do it again.... It's hard to want to trust again... and then being able to trust again, always wondering if  you're missing something, if you should be expecting something around the corner. I mean... every time you think about your partner.. you're going to think about them with that other person. How do you live with that, especially when you have children together?

It seems to me that most people will say "just move on, you can do better than them". That's very easy to say to someone else, and very hard to do, or to even WANT to do. 

Obviously, this is what I'm dealing with right now. The classic "I love you both" dramatic story where the long term partner finds out there is a short term partner on the side. Sometimes the cheating partner chooses not to leave the short term partner because the "sizzle" and "pizazz" is gone from the long term relationship. Sometimes they realize that it's not really what makes them happy. If this happens, then the partner who was cheated on has to make a decision. Does this partner want the cheating partner back?

Of course... I'm not sure what THIS partner will decide.  I'm hoping to find the answers when I look into myself and decide COMPLETELY on what I want in LIFE... because whomever I decide to one day MARRY... has to still be there in 60 years when I meet my great grand children.

So now I decide which of many roads to take to fulfill my ultimate dream - happiness.

On a side note, I start my period yesterday, so today is the first day of birth control pills :)

My Secret Ingredient

I'm not writing this for comments or for anything else, but have decided that this is part of MY journey, not just my surrogacy journey, but my LIFE journey.  People will judge me either way, that's what people do, it's human nature, and let's face it... for most people, it's an ego boost. I know it is for me.
I think I've handled the last few days pretty well all things considered.  The things considered would be that i'm already an emotional wreck of course lol.

I've been told that I put my life out to the public... but don't we all? Isn't that what we all do when we share anything? We all share out feelings, journeys, experiences, advice and even our love with others. I certainly shouldn't be judged for doing that... to have a different view on things, to want to share with others. If it weren't for people who shared, no one else would have people to judge.  Am I mislead?

I am a second timer teen mom and a traditional surrogate who not only lost her IP's in the third trimester, but also lost her relationship, and I have no job. How much more controversial could I be? How many people can say that they were judged by over 120k people when I was mentioned in an online blog about surrogacy. 

I've had to learn to deal with the scrutiny involved with my life over the last few months. I've had to learn that life doesn't just hit you with one thing at a time so that you can "deal" with things one by one, but instead, it sometimes keeps hitting you to see what you're made of.  What you can handle. To what extreme you can deal with. 

This is a blog to show others what I'm made of.  What I can handle. What extreme situations I can deal with. 

I don't think I'm 1 in 6 billion. I know others have done what I have done. I know that I'm nothing news worthy if you will.  I know that many others have accomplished much greater things.

For now on, this isn't about opinions of others, it is about me sharing my life, with whomever is willing to share it with me, with whomever can HANDLE my opinions, my views and the way I choose to lead my life.  No holding back, but not being rude. No extreme dramatics, but some mild exaggeration.

This is my NEW blog, branching off of an old one.  This isn't just about surrogacy anymore, but instead about my journey of LIFE, surrogacy will just have a part in it, as surrogacy ISN'T my entire life. It is a part of it that includes others. 

As many parts of my life there is, I want to share each part... every part of me that I can share... every secret ingredient.

May Be The Last Update On The Twins

I got a disturbing phone call today from the hospital today.

They were looking to see if I had received the birth certificate with the registration numbers. I said no I hadn't. 

She then let me know that they are being released TODAY... and that the AP's have been there awhile.

I thought that we had agreed to keep everyone UPDATED.  Guess I was wrong. 

I signed over my rights a few days ago, and have over 3 weeks left until my rights are actually terminated.  I thought they'd at least keep me in the loop until then.  Maybe I would have gotten a phone call once they got HOME. Maybe not even then.

I called backed, since I was so incredibly shocked and hurt that I couldn't even remember to ask over the phone when I spoke to the social worker.

They now weight A = 5 lbs 11 ounces and B = 5 lbs 9 oz. They have both gained exactly 2 lbs, tomorrow they will be exactly 6 weeks old. 

I'm not sure if I'll actually have any other updates about them, this happens a lot in surrogacy, where the parents "grab and run" and then the surrogate ends up left out in the cold if you will.  Not entirely surprised though, I tried to set myself for this happening, but I guess you're never really prepared for something like this to happen.

Would have liked for it to NOT be a stranger who let me know though. 

I have my 6 week post partum appointment on the 10th, and will update afterward though.

I'm Done... And Ready To Start Over

I didn't end up finishing my last surrogacy through blogs because of circumstances surrounding my last surrogacy.
Twins were born at 32+3, healthy and are doing great.  They are being released to an adoptive family this week!!
I am nearly 6 weeks post partum now and can't wait to be pregnant again! That is... for someone else lol

I Was Told This Was Overdue?

So, I was recently advised that this is overdue lol  To be honest, I don't know when the last time I blogged was, either here OR on my youtube... but I know I'm way behind, and I'll tell you all why, and hopefully you can agree that it is a valid enough excuse.

April 15th - Dentist Appointment
April 15th - Home Visit From A Child Development Worker
April 16th - Play Date And Shopping Day
April 20th - Gabey's 1 Year Appointment
April 20th-23rd [just waiting for the appointment time and date] - Meeting With Social Worker
April 21st - Hair Appointment
April 23rd-25th - Easter Weekend With Lots Of Family Arrangements
April 27th - Gabey's 1 Year Birthday
April 28th - Mom's Birthday
April 28th - 1 Hour Glucose Test
April 28th - Thryoid Blood Test
April 29th - 24 Week OBS [Will Be 23W6D]
May 1st - Gabey's 1 Year Birthday Party

........JAM PACKED! 

We are FINALLY better though, and I've been working my tail feather off trying to get all my chores back to being all done as well.

I also order my doppler, and it had been sent to me last week, so now I'm just waiting for it to arrive now!  Exciting!

Alright, so this picture was taken yesterday, but it's still "new".  It was taken before I ate, so I wasn't bloated yet.  You can tell the difference from when I'm bloated though, the whole top part near my ribs blows up a lto more.  This way, you can see that I'm bubbling out haha



I find my webcam makes me look "skinny" a lot, and I took a picture with my phone and I definitely looked bigger, but you get the point lol 

Anyway, I'm sorry again, and I'll desperately try to keep up with this, but like I said, it's been pretttty hectic.  lol 

-Cathleen

New Surro Site To Look At !

Hey everyone!!

So, I've been having a hard time to come up with what to say lately haha

I'm feeling MUCH MUCH better now, and also have a new couch set!  I love it haha

I've also joined a new surrogroup, that I just love.  I've been on routinely [daily] and I find that the environment is so fresh and friendly.

It is a new site though, so it is very young and still in the process of getting members etc.  If you have any questions about surrogacy, and want to ask a few people at once, this is a great way to do it, and I haven't seen ONE negative response to someone else, and as far as I can see, it is DRAMA FREE, which is very very hard to find on a website. 

The best part... it is for IP's and Surros AND Egg Donors.  There are quite a few experienced sides to it, on all sides, and it's hard to find that at times. 

Here is the link : http://www.allthingssurrogacy.com/  I think that we can all enjoy this one, and there aren't "packs" of people and it is very low for judgemental feelings etc.  It is so much easier to upload pictures, you have a million security options [so it's not like either can see your entire profile, or no one can see it] which is one thing I REALLY liked. 

You all know I don't advertise much, but I really think that this is going to be an amazing site, and want to get more people involved!!  Feel free to add me once there are well, again, there aren't many people on there, so it's a nice small community [other sites have thousands and thousands].

Thanks everyone for putting up with my advertising lol  Really though, I recommend this site! 

-Cathleen

PS - 14 days until glucose test and thyroid retest
        15 days until next OBS and until we get the ultrasound pictures
        16 days until we ht 6 months and VIABILITY
        100 days until FULL TERM!
        

21 Weeks!! Belly and Belly Measurements haha

Well, 21 weeks down, about 16 more to go!!

Here are the pictures I posted up on facebook for 21 weeks [yesterday].

I know the last one is soo different lol I forgot totake it yesterday, and then I was laying around watching the time to take my fundal height [I wait 5minutes after laying down so that the babies can settle back a bit] so I took it real quick lol  New pajamas hahahaha

So AROUND I am 35 inches, I was 30 before pregnancy.
Fundal height is 33.5cm - which would measure for 33.5 weeks.

Wanted to update everyone!!

i'm in the process of buying a scale too haha

Alright, that's it folks!!

-Cathleen